23 February 2007
Going Down.. Down... Down
I should never allow myself to think that everything can be smooth sailing. I was so high and happy last week and now I feel like I'm paying for that indulgence.
My godfather died of a heart attack. I don't know why I felt sad when my mom told me the news. He was one of those people who never did anything right. He was a grand dreamer but never realized any of his dreams. My friend said it's sad that he never was able to redeem himself. That his sudden passing left things hanging for him. We mourn his loss in our lives. No more cooky weirdo Ninong telling us that this is doable, that he can fly to the moon and back... I hope his passing does one thing he never could do when he alive, bring his family together.
My boss is planning to jump ship. She's been planning to do this for quite sometime but it's more real now. We feel it. It's getting really difficult to get things moving workwise these days. It's hard to deal with stubborness and increased bursts of temper. The system that's been working for the past couple of years do not apply anymore. We are unsure as to what we can and cannot do. I feel like we're being fed to the lions. I don't mind being swamped with work. I would welcome it if that's the case. But I can't take heightened sensitivities and diva behavior. It's such a disincentive to work. I know that the end is near. But this is not the ending I envisioned. I'm proud of what we have achieved at work, the very close personal ties we've established. I don't want things to get ugly before we move on. That's why moving on is not just an option now, it's a must.
To make this week even more worse, I received an unwanted comment from someone this morning that just ruined my day. Why can't we just be left alone? It's been too long. Is our coping mechanism that low or even nonexistent that we are so unable to restrain ourselves from going back? Ugh! I don't need this. We don't need this.
It's been a very rough week. I have no motivation to go to work. My energy levels are so down that I can sleep for more than 12 hours straight. I don't want to eat. I feel like locking myself in one room for weeks. My friends occassionally provide distraction. A long lost and far away friend's comeback is enough to make me smile these days. But even then, I'm scared to focus on those small joys since they might be taken away again suddenly.
My godfather died of a heart attack. I don't know why I felt sad when my mom told me the news. He was one of those people who never did anything right. He was a grand dreamer but never realized any of his dreams. My friend said it's sad that he never was able to redeem himself. That his sudden passing left things hanging for him. We mourn his loss in our lives. No more cooky weirdo Ninong telling us that this is doable, that he can fly to the moon and back... I hope his passing does one thing he never could do when he alive, bring his family together.
My boss is planning to jump ship. She's been planning to do this for quite sometime but it's more real now. We feel it. It's getting really difficult to get things moving workwise these days. It's hard to deal with stubborness and increased bursts of temper. The system that's been working for the past couple of years do not apply anymore. We are unsure as to what we can and cannot do. I feel like we're being fed to the lions. I don't mind being swamped with work. I would welcome it if that's the case. But I can't take heightened sensitivities and diva behavior. It's such a disincentive to work. I know that the end is near. But this is not the ending I envisioned. I'm proud of what we have achieved at work, the very close personal ties we've established. I don't want things to get ugly before we move on. That's why moving on is not just an option now, it's a must.
To make this week even more worse, I received an unwanted comment from someone this morning that just ruined my day. Why can't we just be left alone? It's been too long. Is our coping mechanism that low or even nonexistent that we are so unable to restrain ourselves from going back? Ugh! I don't need this. We don't need this.
It's been a very rough week. I have no motivation to go to work. My energy levels are so down that I can sleep for more than 12 hours straight. I don't want to eat. I feel like locking myself in one room for weeks. My friends occassionally provide distraction. A long lost and far away friend's comeback is enough to make me smile these days. But even then, I'm scared to focus on those small joys since they might be taken away again suddenly.
Orange Git at 11:01 AM
