26 September 2007

More Random Thoughts

That's all I've been doing these days. Thinking and thinking. One thought after another. Which is bad because nothing ever gets out. It's just constant thinking. Crap.

*It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...*' I'm getting invites from Bazaars. I saw the trees inside Powerplant Mall being decorated with Christmas lights. The weather is getting cooler, which is the only thing I like about this season. Oh my goodness. It's a Grinch-incarnate's nightmare. Can I just close my eyes and hibernate for the rest of this season?! Can I move somewhere far far away, where there is no concept of the holidays?

And then there's this..

Never give up on someone you can't go a day without thinking about.
— Some bumper sticker.

But then there's this too..

You know you really love someone when you want him or her to be happy. Even if their happiness means that you're not part of it.

Tinagalog for my sanity. Just in cases. Coward! Tsk. Pareho galing kay Ceia. Malungkot no? Lalo na yung huli. Ganito na ba ako? Tumaya na ba ako? Parang hindi eh kasi ang layo kaya minsan napapaisip na hindi totoo. Pero kailangan bang nandyan sya sa harap mo para sabihin mo sa sarili mong tumaya ka na? Siguro hinde. Pero siguro lang yun. Pero ngayong nasabi ko na, iniisip ko kung sigurado nga ba ako? Minsan, may mga pilit na di pinag uusapan dahil masakit. Ang hirap mag isip minsan dahil parang walang patutunguhan ngayon, kung meron man, matagal pa siguro. Nakakatawa lang isipin minsan na lagi kaming "magkasama" pero hindi naman talaga. Hayy... Tama na drama.

Orange Git at 3:01 PM


20 September 2007

I Can't Sleep

So I'm posting this. It's Grace's book called "The Giving Tree" by Shel Silverstein. This is such a sad love story.

Once there was a tree...
and she loved a little boy.
And every day the boy would come
and he would gather her leaves
and make them into crowns and play king of the forest.
He would climb up her trunk
and swing from her branches
and eat apples.
And they would play hide-and-go-seek.
And when he was tired, he would sleep in her shade.
And the boy loved the tree... very much.
And the tree was happy.

But time went by.
And the boy grew older.
And the tree was often alone.

Then one day the boy came to the tree and the tree said, "Come, Boy, come and climb up my trunk and swing from my branches and eat apples and play in my shade and be happy."
"I am too big to climb and play," said the boy.
"I want to buy things and have fun. I want some money. Can you give me some money?"
"I'm sorry," said the tree, "but I have no money. I have only leaves and apples. Take my apples, Boy, and sell them in the city. Then you will have money and you will be happy."
And so the boy climbed up the tree and gathered her apples and carried them away.
And the tree was happy.

But the boy stayed away for a long time... and the tree was sad.
And then one day the boy came back and the tree shook with joy and she said, "Come, Boy, climb up my trunk and swing from my branches and be happy."
"I am too busy to climb trees," said the boy.
"I want a house to keep me warm," he said.
"I want a wife and I want children, and so I need a house. Can you give me a house?"
"I have no house," said the tree.
"The forrest is my house, but you may cut off my branches and build a house. Then you will be happy."
And so the boy cut off her branches and carried them away to build his house.
And the tree was happy.

But the boy stayed away for a long time.
And when he came back, the tree was so happy she could hardly speak.
"Come, Boy," she whispered,
"come and play."
"I am too old and sad to play," said the boy.
"I want a boat that will take me far away from here. Can you give me a boat?"
"Cut down my trunk and make a boat," said the tree
"Then you can sail away... and be happy."
And so the boy cut down her trunk and made a boat and sailed away.
And the tree was happy... but not really.

After a long time the boy came back again.
"I am sorry, Boy," said the tree, "but I have nothing left to give you-- My apples are gone."
"My teeth are too weak for apples," said the boy.
"My branches are gone," said the tree. "You cannot swing on them--"
"I am too old to swing on branches," said the boy.
"My trunk is gone," said the tree. "You cannot climb--"
"I am too tired to climb," said the boy.
"I am sorry," sighed the tree. "I wish that I could give you something... but I have nothing left. I am just an old stump. I am sorry..."
"I don't need very much now," said the boy, "just a quiet place to sit and rest. I am very tired."
"Well," said the tree, straightening herself up as much as she could, "well, an old stump is good for sitting and resting. Come, Boy, sit down. Sit down and rest."
And the boy did.
And the tree was happy.

Orange Git at 3:06 AM


18 September 2007

Random thoughts

I can feel it.. It's coming. The holidays are coming. And it's freaking me out again. I thought I was cured of my grinch-mode tendencies last year. But now I think I'm not and it's back with a vengeance. HELP!!!!!!!!

I looked at the calendar this afternoon and panicked. It's going to be October in one week. Where the hell did my 2007 go? Didn't I just have my birthday? Wasn't it just yesterday that we ate at Min Sok and I got those nice bunch of flowers from Cacay? Now I'm turning a year older... again!!! I'm not ready for 28. Heck, I wasn't ready for 27 and now it's over. Crap.

Oh, I watched Avenue Q. I'm too lazy to make a separate post on it. I had fun. Yes we were at the second to the last row at the Balcony of the RCBC theater, yes there was no eye contact because we were too far up, but I appreciated the show. I loved it. I love the songs and it was great to see it coming alive. I didn't know who to watch first, the puppet or the puppeteer. Rachel Alejandro was great as Kate Monster and Lucy the Slut. She really put life and spirit to Kate Monster. This was just what I needed to perk up my week. *Schadenfreude... people taking pleasure in your pain... watching a vegetarian be told she just ate chicken...* hahahahaha! Riot!

Went to Ateneo last week and ate Manang's inihaw for the first time in almost seven years. Pathetic. Pathetic alumnus. All the memories rushed to me when I put the first spoonful of inihaw and rice in my mouth. Exaggerating? No, I'm not. The taste was the same and I was transported back to my college days of Keds, Pancho, lib tambay, caf iced tea, siomai with rice, beef with mashed potatoes (that was mostly starch daw sabi ni Ceia), philo and theo orals, Bobby Guev, walking on campus at night... I can go on and on.. It was great to go back to school.

I'm taking baby steps. One resume at a time. I think that's progress. Good.

I purposely missed our major high school reunion. Instead, I spent a lovely evening with new friends. My high school friends get me. I don't have to explain myself. I think looking at pictures posted on multiply and cringing at the photos is enough torture for me. I'm sorry I'm so mean about this. It's just not my thing.

Darcy died on me. The break up that was lurking. There's still no hope on when I'm getting it back. I'm so tempted to murder the people at the service center, so please stop me from going to Park Square anytime soon.

I'm addicted to the Hairspray soundtrack. I could be addicted to the High School Musical 2 soundtrack too but then Gabriella, oh Gabriella.. you've ruined it for me. Now if Darcy were alive, I would have been able to listen to it while walking home. Gaddemmet!!!!

And, I'm naloloka sa mga naggigitarang mahilig mamilosopiya. Kakakilig. Yun lang. Hehe. Tagalugin ba? Tsk. Baka mapadaan eh. I'm too much of a chope to post something na maiintindihan at babalik balikan. As if. Hayyy... Might I be using up my stupidity? Should I even be stupid? Duh. Of course not. But... but.. BUT. Shet.

I'm going mental. Really. Like I said, random thoughts. Now I think it's time to go home.

Orange Git at 5:55 PM


11 September 2007

Take Me Out of The Black hole!!!!

I've been in an emotional and mental black hole and I want to get out of it. Why does this seem to happen to me around this time of the year? I hope this is not a yearly thing or i might wither and die in year 2010.

Last year's holiday depression was pretty bad. Of course no one saw it because as ever, I wallow in solitude. Is it going to be the same this year? At the rate I'm going, I think so.

Ceia told me three months ago as she was reading my cards that maybe I'm directing my energies to something I can control, something I can influence instead of the reality that I have to face in my life, which is essentially to move on. That i'm creating distractions to prevent me from realizing that I have to find a "grown up" life. The distractions are taking their own form and I feel like I'm holding on to nothing. My only solace right now is Ceia's blog entry.

Now enough with this shit. I need to fix my life! Like YESTERDAY!! I've been distracting myself for three months. It's funny that now I need to be distracted from the distraction. Crap.

I need all the positive thoughts and energy of the people around me, since somehow thinking positive for myself doesn't seem to work. It sure works when directed towards other people. But it can never seem to work on me. I must now direct my energies into something that will be more productive, something more tangible, something that is generally rewarding. It's me time.

Orange Git at 5:11 PM


03 September 2007

The Real Deal

Yes I did do all those things I posted in the previous entry again. But this time, it wasn't a rehearsal to anything. It was for real and I wasn't on the VIP seat. I had to actually deliver and make this dignitary happy to save the economies of the countries in the ASEAN region. Ok, a bit over exaggerating. The thing is, when the time actually came for me to do my job, I had butterflies in my stomach. I couldn't eat. I was a nervous wreck. Mostly getting anxious and excited (anxioutated from Ceia). Probably because I've been out of the loop and I haven't done this, at this level, yet.

It was over, just like that. My sole responsibility did not stay for long and left before I could even say Angelina Jolie. I got a surprising and quite generous thank you. I don't know if I deserved it but hey, we have to be thankful for all our blessings. I was and still am extremely thankful ;) Apart from that thank you, I lived in a five star hotel for almost a week, consumed crazy amounts of good coffee and food and developed new friendships while I was at it. I've recovered from the drop dead tiredness of it all. I should have after that weekend hibernation of 7pm Saturday night to 10am Sunday morning. I still don't know what to do with my thank you.. save it, I guess.

I'd like to have more opportunities like this, which I think strengthened my resolve to push on and if possible, pursue my current (non existent?) career. It was fun while it all lasted. I missed running around and being extremely busy. I've been such a slacker the past couple of months. Now I know I still haven't quite lost my mojo when it comes to work. I still got that bully everyone-I don't care who you are-stratagem that I thought weakened from lack of practice.

Reality bites though. Hotel living, hagad traveling days are over. Must pursue what needs to be pursued. Delaying tactics are over. Huwwaaaaaa!!!!

Orange Git at 4:21 PM