21 December 2006
Grinch no more? We'll see...
Six nights and counting...I can't believe I've actually gone to Simbang Gabi for six nights straight. This is a first. I've never felt the need to complete the novena. Actually, I still don't see myself completing it. But I still try. I'm not desperately praying for anything in particular. The whole ritual just helps to get me in the mood for Christmas.
My friends are surprised at my newfound uppity Christmas spirit. I've been a Grinch for the past couple of years. I still blame my previous work for my Christmas spirit fatigue, but it's slowly going away. I actually sing once in a while with a few carols. I'm able appreciate Christmas lights and decor without the urge to barf. I even had the energy and spirit to put up our tree.
I still get depressed once in a while, the usual depression heightened by the holidays. I can't stop myself from thinking depressing thoughts, especially since I've been spending a lot of time alone. But most of it is just reminiscing and pondering on what if's and what could be's. I'm glad I have enough holiday cheer to distract me from these thoughts. I allow an indulgent deep sigh once in a while but I refuse to even verbalize my thoughts since I've proven that talking about it makes it even more real.
My holiday mode has been revived. I sort of miss being the representative Grinch but I think this is a slightly better alternative. Let's see how long this will last.
Orange Git at 10:58 AM
1 Comments
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at 2:44 AM
said... Glad your coming around.
