2007 has been mean to me, extremely mean.

I can't recall any year where I've been so depressed and sad a lot. My tear ducts have been working overtime. There are highs, lots of highs.. but there were more lows... much much more outweighing the good moments.

And now this.
I went into it, not hoping for anything. But when you get through a certain level, you start to wonder... maybe it is for you. Maybe this is the lucky break you've been waiting for. Maybe, maybe... But then... maybe not.

Failing is harsh. I've been through very few failures in my entire short life. Maybe that's why it's so tough and emotionally draining. I'm disoriented. I know how to start over again but now I'm even more petrified to take another step forward because I feel so insecure, mediocre and undesirable.

There must be something else out there for me. That's what I've been telling myself over and over again. But where is it? I'm starting to think I'm just aimlessly floating.

I told Zy yesterday when I dragged her to Starbucks to check out the 2008 Planner that whatever happens, she shouldn't let me buy coffee. I've had three cups of strong coffee already and I wasn't having another one. I was so very tempted to buy a cup when I saw the new planner. But I was able to restrain myself and postpone my coffee fix till the next day.

And so here we are again. November 07, day 2 of the Starbucks Holiday Promo. This will be my third Starbucks planner and in my opinion, this year's release is the best of them all. I love the soft leather cover and it is considerably less bulky than last year's planner.

However, I have a few complaints. First, the planner includes a pencil and not a pen which I won't use and would probably loose eventually. Second, 24 stamps. 24 stamps!!! 21 was hard enough! Third, you can't ask your friends for their unstamped receipts. No card upon purchase of the coffee, useless receipt. Unfair capitalist schmucks! And I considered working for them sometime ago. Tsk.

But no matter how much I rant and complain, I still fall for it over and over again. I had my first stamp today and bought the Praline Mocha hot drink. Nothing special there, I couldn't taste the praline. It tasted like their regular mocha drink. I'll stick to the Toffee Nut Latte next time.

So 24 stamps... 3 a week, I'll have the planner by New Year's... 4 a week and i'll have it two weeks earlier. Starbucks sure knows how to torture consumers with low EQ like me. So till I get the planner, the stamp card is my most prized possession. Pure madness.