Orange Git

To be or not to be...

2008-05-25T23:37:00.003+08:00

There has been a recurring, and I can say quite annoying, issue that has been violating my peace these days.. the matter of being alone, being SINGLE as it is commonly referred to. I have been called many things recently due to this.. snob, loner, weird, unhappy, immature and the big S.. yes, I was called a spinster.

Frankly, I've never been bothered by it. Those who really know me are comfortable with the fact that I thrive in being alone. That I am unpretentious when I say that I am happy when I'm alone. I enjoy it. Sometimes I even find other people's presence intrusive and feel that they are depriving me of my precious alone time. This may seem strange to those who cannot imagine even spending a few hours alone, but to me.. it's fun.

But when you are bombarded with questions on being a singleton and you have to defend your reasons for being in this state, you can't help be a little bit bruised and insecure. Some recent scathing incidents..

An uncle trying to matchmake me with some random guy that his wife probably knows from working overseas. It is just normal to pry and ask about the identity of this person I'm supposed to try to get along with.. What I get in response from my uncle is that this is what I get for being picky, ending up alone at such a late age. He then proceeds to criticize my life.. how unhappy I must be that I'm alone, that I should be bothered that I don't have someone and that I'm not getting any younger. I try to tell him that I am happy and that my happiness is not dependent on another human being but how can you convince someone set in his own ways.

Another incident... I was chatting with my cousin who has her own family now. Tables have turned and my superiority in age has given way to her wealth of "experience" in family matters. She asks about my friends and finds out that most of them are unattached too. She calls me a spinster. I let it go. She pushes me and insists that I should find someone to marry, as if it's the easiest thing in the world to do.. and to my utter shock, adds that it would give direction and accomplishment to my life. I wanted to scream at her. She should consider herself lucky that she's miles and miles away from me at that moment.

What I really wanted to tell both of them was, happiness and accomplishment is relative. Accomplishment to them might be having their own family.. to me it's having a fulfilling job, indulge in travel, good food, good buys and still have some saved. But I don't think they'll get it with their pea sized brains.

Then yesterday, I made the effort to dress up, commute to somewhere far just to meet a friend who I haven't seen lately. She always travels with her other half. Normally I wouldn't mind. But when you're not even out of the house for 2 hours, in the middle of a meal that you didn't even want to have since you were full but your friend insisted because she was hungry, only to be told that she's not even eating since they have to leave in a few minutes and leave you alone wandering out on a Saturday night.. It will annoy you. So I was unexpectedly left alone, my craving for Krispy Kreme replaced with a bitter taste of annoyance. I head home and console myself by watching The Graduate, which I surprisingly discover that I've never seen before in its entirety... but I digress. This would be fine on a normal day but when you expect to have company for the whole night, make the effort to go out when you could have been peacefully at home then suddenly find yourself alone again.. you end up wondering what to do and feel a little bit lonely.

So I was left to think.. am I ready to give this up. I know how I can get when there is someone, the level of attention that I devote to one person. It's not that I don't want to have this "ideal" someone. In fact I can't wait for it to happen. But I feel that I have so much to give up when it does come. This has been my life for more than 20 years and allowing someone to come into it will completely change the dynamics. That's why it's never just a matter of finding someone to be with.. it's discovering someone and loving them enough to give up something that I love and that is part of my identity... being alone.

Here Again

2008-02-13T11:17:00.002+08:00

Haven't been here in a while.. blogging again.. good or bad?

It's the end of Day 4 detox. It's hard. It's extremely painful.
There are blank moments where I can't think of what to do next, space out and momentarily wallow before I realize that people are actually around me..
Moments where I want to strap my arms and legs on to something to restrain me from reaching out..
Moments when it's difficult to breathe when I find out something heartbreaking or when I long to relapse..
Extremely sad moments when tears won't stop flowing.

If I relapse, I'll be in trouble. Because there will never be a bright light in this dark tunnel. But I am fighting. I'm rebuilding the wall little by little however heavy the bricks are. I'm tired of being vulnerable.. of free-falling without anyone to catch me. Life goes on. I can do this. I'm trying to smile a little bit more everyday.

I don't think my poor inexperienced heart can take another beating. It needs to go on an extended vacation and only go back in business for something worthwhile, something that will be tangible and defined.. not for any temporary distractions that are bound to fail again and again.

Taking the big leap sure is exhilarating but not without consequences. The bruises and injuries may be irreparable if you don't land gracefully.

down.. down.. down..

2007-11-19T14:11:00.000+08:00

2007 has been mean to me, extremely mean.

I can't recall any year where I've been so depressed and sad a lot. My tear ducts have been working overtime. There are highs, lots of highs.. but there were more lows... much much more outweighing the good moments.

And now this.
I went into it, not hoping for anything. But when you get through a certain level, you start to wonder... maybe it is for you. Maybe this is the lucky break you've been waiting for. Maybe, maybe... But then... maybe not.

Failing is harsh. I've been through very few failures in my entire short life. Maybe that's why it's so tough and emotionally draining. I'm disoriented. I know how to start over again but now I'm even more petrified to take another step forward because I feel so insecure, mediocre and undesirable.

There must be something else out there for me. That's what I've been telling myself over and over again. But where is it? I'm starting to think I'm just aimlessly floating.

Of course i'm ok

2007-11-13T02:07:00.000+08:00

My life is in limbo. Of course I'm ok.

This week is one big waiting game. Of course I'm ok.

I might not get through. Of course I'm ok.

You're out with someone now. Of course I'm ok.

I'm insomniac again. Of course I'm ok.

I dread what tomorrow will bring. Of course I'm ok.

Tang ina! I'm ok!!!!!

Net Freak

2007-11-08T14:48:00.000+08:00

When I go online, I...

log on to Yahoo Messenger, even if there's no one to talk to I'm there
check Gmail, keep the window open for Gtalk and any incoming emails
check Yahoo mail
check Statcounter statistics... self-confessed stalker!
check Multiply posts of friends, comment, write and post occasionally, pirate music ;)
log on to Facebook, my new toy... ang kulit kulit!
occasionally log on to Friendster and check messages, Friendster is so last season
go to Google reader, read new posts from my 49 feeds and keep coming back for new feeds

Now tell me, when do I possibly come up for air after all of this? A day without net access and I feel so out of touch. I'm a freak. Oh yes I am.

The madness has begun

2007-11-07T16:30:00.000+08:00

Starbucks is pure evil!

I told Zy yesterday when I dragged her to Starbucks to check out the 2008 Planner that whatever happens, she shouldn't let me buy coffee. I've had three cups of strong coffee already and I wasn't having another one. I was so very tempted to buy a cup when I saw the new planner. But I was able to restrain myself and postpone my coffee fix till the next day.

And so here we are again. November 07, day 2 of the Starbucks Holiday Promo. This will be my third Starbucks planner and in my opinion, this year's release is the best of them all. I love the soft leather cover and it is considerably less bulky than last year's planner.

However, I have a few complaints. First, the planner includes a pencil and not a pen which I won't use and would probably loose eventually. Second, 24 stamps. 24 stamps!!! 21 was hard enough! Third, you can't ask your friends for their unstamped receipts. No card upon purchase of the coffee, useless receipt. Unfair capitalist schmucks! And I considered working for them sometime ago. Tsk.

But no matter how much I rant and complain, I still fall for it over and over again. I had my first stamp today and bought the Praline Mocha hot drink. Nothing special there, I couldn't taste the praline. It tasted like their regular mocha drink. I'll stick to the Toffee Nut Latte next time.

So 24 stamps... 3 a week, I'll have the planner by New Year's... 4 a week and i'll have it two weeks earlier. Starbucks sure knows how to torture consumers with low EQ like me. So till I get the planner, the stamp card is my most prized possession. Pure madness.

Natural Highs

2007-10-31T15:05:00.000+08:00

I got this from Teen. It made me smile too. Before we go off for the extremely long weekend, a few natural highs to smile about.

Think about them one at a time before going on to the next one...
It does make you feel good, especially the thought at the end.

1. Falling in love.

2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.

3. A hot shower.

4. No lines at the supermarket

5. A special glance.

6. Getting mail

7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.

8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.

9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.

10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.

11. Chocolate milkshake.. (or vanilla or strawberry!)

12. A bubble bath.

13. Giggling.

14. A good conversation.

15. The beach (Bora here we come!)

16. Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter. (or even 20 pesos)

17. Laughing at yourself.

19. Midnight phone calls that last for hours.

20. Running through sprinklers.

21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.

22. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.

23. Laughing at an inside joke.

24. Friends.

25. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.

26. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep. (I love this.)

27. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner).

28. Making new friends or spending time with old ones.

29. Playing with a new puppy.

30. Having someone play with your hair.

31. Sweet dreams.

32. Hot chocolate.

33. Road trips with friends

34. Swinging on swings.

35. Making eye contact with a cute stranger.

36. Making chocolate chip cookies.

37. Having your friends send you homemade cookies

38. Holding hands with someone you care about.

39. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change.

40. Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you.

41. Watching the sunrise.

42. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day.

43. Knowing that somebody misses you.

44. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply.

45. Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people think.

Now wasn’t that nice? :D

Tonight I Write The Saddest Lines

2007-10-26T19:08:00.000+08:00

Lines... lines... lines...
Some random lines I found on my friends' sites or wherever.

The worst feeling isn't being lonely.
It's being forgotten by someone you could never forget.

Grey's wisdom...

know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true.

Pain, you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers, you just breath deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed but sometimes the pain gets you where you least expect it. Hits way below the belt and doesn't let up. Pain, you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can't outrun it and life always makes more.

Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world. Head on, guns blazing. De Nile. It's not just a river in Egypt, it's a freakin' ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it?

Mulitply It!

2007-10-25T00:30:00.000+08:00

Glorietta has been poisoned for me. I think what scares me the most is the fact that my parents were a few feet from the explosion last Friday. So despite having really bad window shopping urges, I am staying away until it doesn't bother me to go there anymore.

My mom told me that finally I can stop shopping... Oh how wrong she was. I've discovered a new shopping haven and I don't have to go to the mall. Enter Multiply. I was floored at the amount of stuff on sale online. From accessories, clothes, shoes, bags, gadgets, condo units even... I've spent whole afternoons just browsing multiply sites and I still haven't seen all of them. It's evil.. Pure evil.

To date, I've only officially bought one item which were my gold jelly flats. But I have also ordered accessories (as gifts, promise) and a bag. I've placed an order for something I can give for Christmas but haven't heard from the owner yet. I've done countless inquiries and I'm still contemplating if I should get the other items I checked out. Seriously, I never thought "yes, it's still available" could be such a devilish statement.

Shamelessly Plaigarizing

2007-10-10T19:40:00.000+08:00

I went to postsecret.blogspot.com and saw this really sad postcard.

No puedo olvidar la pequeña sirena quien me canto tan dulcemente.
Eres un fantasma hermosa que vive en las ruinas de mi corazon quebrado.

The last line goes...
You are a beautiful fantasy that lives in the ruins of my broken heart.

Yes, you are.

6th Spanish Film Festival: La Vida Secreta De Las Palabras

2007-10-04T12:44:00.000+08:00

I was pleasantly surprised that the movie "La Vida Secreta De Las Palabras" (The Secret Life Of Words) was in English. There was a few seconds of confusion when we came in the theater and I was reading Spanish subtitles (which I can't understand yet) instead of English.

Familiar faces in the movie are Tim Robbins, Julie Christie, Sarah Polley (Go) and Javier Camara (Hable Con Ella). Hannah (Polley), a solitary woman with a dark past, ends up working in an oil rig as a nurse for Josef (Robbins), a burn victim who has temporarily lost his sight due to an accident. They develop a strong bond and discover each other's bitter past. Josef is transferred to a hospital but Hannah disappears. He regains his eyesight but is haunted by the memory of Hannah and goes on a quest to see her again. He finds her in the factory where she used to work, talks to her and asks her to spend the rest of her life with him.

European films are unpredictable. There's always something mysterious about the movie. The synopsis never quite prepares you for what you're about to see. You expect the unexpected. The character developments are gradual. You discover each character individually and then what their purpose is to the story. There's also a reverberating silence that you're afraid to break, thinking that something might unravel that you're not prepared to see yet. The pace is not rushed and every scene is meant to be savored.

The same goes with this movie. Josef's first encounter with Hannah, how he teases her and makes light of his condition, how she never gives any clue of what she's really like.. Their succeeding meetings, slowly getting to know each other, discovering quirks, likes, opinions.. Then they begin to like each other.. Then each of them revealing their darkest secret that creates an invisible bond between them forever. I expected a sad and tragic ending but, unexpectedly, it had a happy ending.

My favorite scene before the movie ends..

Josef: I thought um, you and I, maybe we could go away somewhere. Together. One of these days. Today. Right now. Come with me.
Hannah: No, I don't think that's going to be possible.
Josef: Why not?
Hannah: Um, because I think that if we go away to someplace together, I'm afraid that, ah, one day, maybe not today, maybe, maybe not tomorrow either, but one day suddenly, I may begin to cry and cry so very much that nothing or nobody can stop me and the tears will fill the room and I won't be able to breathe and I will pull you down with me and we'll both drown.
Josef: I'll learn how to swim, Hanna. I swear, I'll learn how to swim.

The 6th Spanish Film Festival runs from 01-14 October 2007 at Greenbelt 3. For the movie schedules go to http://manila.cervantes.es

More Random Thoughts

2007-09-26T15:01:00.000+08:00

That's all I've been doing these days. Thinking and thinking. One thought after another. Which is bad because nothing ever gets out. It's just constant thinking. Crap.

*It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...*' I'm getting invites from Bazaars. I saw the trees inside Powerplant Mall being decorated with Christmas lights. The weather is getting cooler, which is the only thing I like about this season. Oh my goodness. It's a Grinch-incarnate's nightmare. Can I just close my eyes and hibernate for the rest of this season?! Can I move somewhere far far away, where there is no concept of the holidays?

And then there's this..

Never give up on someone you can't go a day without thinking about.

— Some bumper sticker.

But then there's this too..

You know you really love someone when you want him or her to be happy. Even if their happiness means that you're not part of it.

Tinagalog for my sanity. Just in cases. Coward! Tsk. Pareho galing kay Ceia. Malungkot no? Lalo na yung huli. Ganito na ba ako? Tumaya na ba ako? Parang hindi eh kasi ang layo kaya minsan napapaisip na hindi totoo. Pero kailangan bang nandyan sya sa harap mo para sabihin mo sa sarili mong tumaya ka na? Siguro hinde. Pero siguro lang yun. Pero ngayong nasabi ko na, iniisip ko kung sigurado nga ba ako? Minsan, may mga pilit na di pinag uusapan dahil masakit. Ang hirap mag isip minsan dahil parang walang patutunguhan ngayon, kung meron man, matagal pa siguro. Nakakatawa lang isipin minsan na lagi kaming "magkasama" pero hindi naman talaga. Hayy... Tama na drama.

I Can't Sleep

2007-09-20T03:06:00.000+08:00

So I'm posting this. It's Grace's book called "The Giving Tree" by Shel Silverstein. This is such a sad love story.

Once there was a tree...
and she loved a little boy.
And every day the boy would come
and he would gather her leaves
and make them into crowns and play king of the forest.
He would climb up her trunk
and swing from her branches
and eat apples.
And they would play hide-and-go-seek.
And when he was tired, he would sleep in her shade.
And the boy loved the tree... very much.
And the tree was happy.

But time went by.
And the boy grew older.
And the tree was often alone.

Then one day the boy came to the tree and the tree said, "Come, Boy, come and climb up my trunk and swing from my branches and eat apples and play in my shade and be happy."
"I am too big to climb and play," said the boy.
"I want to buy things and have fun. I want some money. Can you give me some money?"
"I'm sorry," said the tree, "but I have no money. I have only leaves and apples. Take my apples, Boy, and sell them in the city. Then you will have money and you will be happy."
And so the boy climbed up the tree and gathered her apples and carried them away.
And the tree was happy.

But the boy stayed away for a long time... and the tree was sad.
And then one day the boy came back and the tree shook with joy and she said, "Come, Boy, climb up my trunk and swing from my branches and be happy."
"I am too busy to climb trees," said the boy.
"I want a house to keep me warm," he said.
"I want a wife and I want children, and so I need a house. Can you give me a house?"
"I have no house," said the tree.
"The forrest is my house, but you may cut off my branches and build a house. Then you will be happy."
And so the boy cut off her branches and carried them away to build his house.
And the tree was happy.

But the boy stayed away for a long time.
And when he came back, the tree was so happy she could hardly speak.
"Come, Boy," she whispered,
"come and play."
"I am too old and sad to play," said the boy.
"I want a boat that will take me far away from here. Can you give me a boat?"
"Cut down my trunk and make a boat," said the tree
"Then you can sail away... and be happy."
And so the boy cut down her trunk and made a boat and sailed away.
And the tree was happy... but not really.

After a long time the boy came back again.
"I am sorry, Boy," said the tree, "but I have nothing left to give you-- My apples are gone."
"My teeth are too weak for apples," said the boy.
"My branches are gone," said the tree. "You cannot swing on them--"
"I am too old to swing on branches," said the boy.
"My trunk is gone," said the tree. "You cannot climb--"
"I am too tired to climb," said the boy.
"I am sorry," sighed the tree. "I wish that I could give you something... but I have nothing left. I am just an old stump. I am sorry..."
"I don't need very much now," said the boy, "just a quiet place to sit and rest. I am very tired."
"Well," said the tree, straightening herself up as much as she could, "well, an old stump is good for sitting and resting. Come, Boy, sit down. Sit down and rest."
And the boy did.
And the tree was happy.

Random thoughts

2007-09-18T17:55:00.000+08:00

I can feel it.. It's coming. The holidays are coming. And it's freaking me out again. I thought I was cured of my grinch-mode tendencies last year. But now I think I'm not and it's back with a vengeance. HELP!!!!!!!!

I looked at the calendar this afternoon and panicked. It's going to be October in one week. Where the hell did my 2007 go? Didn't I just have my birthday? Wasn't it just yesterday that we ate at Min Sok and I got those nice bunch of flowers from Cacay? Now I'm turning a year older... again!!! I'm not ready for 28. Heck, I wasn't ready for 27 and now it's over. Crap.

Oh, I watched Avenue Q. I'm too lazy to make a separate post on it. I had fun. Yes we were at the second to the last row at the Balcony of the RCBC theater, yes there was no eye contact because we were too far up, but I appreciated the show. I loved it. I love the songs and it was great to see it coming alive. I didn't know who to watch first, the puppet or the puppeteer. Rachel Alejandro was great as Kate Monster and Lucy the Slut. She really put life and spirit to Kate Monster. This was just what I needed to perk up my week. *Schadenfreude... people taking pleasure in your pain... watching a vegetarian be told she just ate chicken...* hahahahaha! Riot!

Went to Ateneo last week and ate Manang's inihaw for the first time in almost seven years. Pathetic. Pathetic alumnus. All the memories rushed to me when I put the first spoonful of inihaw and rice in my mouth. Exaggerating? No, I'm not. The taste was the same and I was transported back to my college days of Keds, Pancho, lib tambay, caf iced tea, siomai with rice, beef with mashed potatoes (that was mostly starch daw sabi ni Ceia), philo and theo orals, Bobby Guev, walking on campus at night... I can go on and on.. It was great to go back to school.

I'm taking baby steps. One resume at a time. I think that's progress. Good.

I purposely missed our major high school reunion. Instead, I spent a lovely evening with new friends. My high school friends get me. I don't have to explain myself. I think looking at pictures posted on multiply and cringing at the photos is enough torture for me. I'm sorry I'm so mean about this. It's just not my thing.

Darcy died on me. The break up that was lurking. There's still no hope on when I'm getting it back. I'm so tempted to murder the people at the service center, so please stop me from going to Park Square anytime soon.

I'm addicted to the Hairspray soundtrack. I could be addicted to the High School Musical 2 soundtrack too but then Gabriella, oh Gabriella.. you've ruined it for me. Now if Darcy were alive, I would have been able to listen to it while walking home. Gaddemmet!!!!

And, I'm naloloka sa mga naggigitarang mahilig mamilosopiya. Kakakilig. Yun lang. Hehe. Tagalugin ba? Tsk. Baka mapadaan eh. I'm too much of a chope to post something na maiintindihan at babalik balikan. As if. Hayyy... Might I be using up my stupidity? Should I even be stupid? Duh. Of course not. But... but.. BUT. Shet.

I'm going mental. Really. Like I said, random thoughts. Now I think it's time to go home.

Take Me Out of The Black hole!!!!

2007-09-11T17:11:00.000+08:00

I've been in an emotional and mental black hole and I want to get out of it. Why does this seem to happen to me around this time of the year? I hope this is not a yearly thing or i might wither and die in year 2010.

Last year's holiday depression was pretty bad. Of course no one saw it because as ever, I wallow in solitude. Is it going to be the same this year? At the rate I'm going, I think so.

Ceia told me three months ago as she was reading my cards that maybe I'm directing my energies to something I can control, something I can influence instead of the reality that I have to face in my life, which is essentially to move on. That i'm creating distractions to prevent me from realizing that I have to find a "grown up" life. The distractions are taking their own form and I feel like I'm holding on to nothing. My only solace right now is Ceia's blog entry.

Now enough with this shit. I need to fix my life! Like YESTERDAY!! I've been distracting myself for three months. It's funny that now I need to be distracted from the distraction. Crap.

I need all the positive thoughts and energy of the people around me, since somehow thinking positive for myself doesn't seem to work. It sure works when directed towards other people. But it can never seem to work on me. I must now direct my energies into something that will be more productive, something more tangible, something that is generally rewarding. It's me time.

The Real Deal

2007-09-03T16:21:00.000+08:00

Yes I did do all those things I posted in the previous entry again. But this time, it wasn't a rehearsal to anything. It was for real and I wasn't on the VIP seat. I had to actually deliver and make this dignitary happy to save the economies of the countries in the ASEAN region. Ok, a bit over exaggerating. The thing is, when the time actually came for me to do my job, I had butterflies in my stomach. I couldn't eat. I was a nervous wreck. Mostly getting anxious and excited (anxioutated from Ceia). Probably because I've been out of the loop and I haven't done this, at this level, yet.

It was over, just like that. My sole responsibility did not stay for long and left before I could even say Angelina Jolie. I got a surprising and quite generous thank you. I don't know if I deserved it but hey, we have to be thankful for all our blessings. I was and still am extremely thankful ;) Apart from that thank you, I lived in a five star hotel for almost a week, consumed crazy amounts of good coffee and food and developed new friendships while I was at it. I've recovered from the drop dead tiredness of it all. I should have after that weekend hibernation of 7pm Saturday night to 10am Sunday morning. I still don't know what to do with my thank you.. save it, I guess.

I'd like to have more opportunities like this, which I think strengthened my resolve to push on and if possible, pursue my current (non existent?) career. It was fun while it all lasted. I missed running around and being extremely busy. I've been such a slacker the past couple of months. Now I know I still haven't quite lost my mojo when it comes to work. I still got that bully everyone-I don't care who you are-stratagem that I thought weakened from lack of practice.

Reality bites though. Hotel living, hagad traveling days are over. Must pursue what needs to be pursued. Delaying tactics are over. Huwwaaaaaa!!!!

VIP

2007-08-21T00:57:00.000+08:00

You decide to go to work quite dressed up. Despite the temptation to slack and dress in a shirt, sweater, jeans and sneakers ensemble, you go the preppy route. It was cold. Take the opportunity to layer, why don't you? You are then transported to the international airport for your meeting via old kog kog government bus that drips and kills you slowly with the carbon monoxide smell.

Adrenaline Rush #1: driving on the airport tarmac
You see this wide open concrete highway and you realize... shit, you're on the runway. Then you see the huge planes. Korean Air, Thai Airways.. they're close enough to touch, if you can get that close. You're tempted to jump in one of those planes to take you hopefully to.... moving on...

Adrenaline Rush #2: going inside the Dignitaries' Lounge
You go up through the authorized personnel parts of the airport and you're herded to the lounge where supposedly all big wigs are received. The room's not that luxurious to live up to it's name, but it has that feel of importance and history. Hmmm... maybe it's the smell of old couches and carpet.

You are then all herded back to the police station for a briefing near the airport where you think no end is in sight. You get messages from officemates back at work saying they've called off work and you feel like cursing everyone responsible for involving you in this shenanigan. Despite the possible flooding all over the Metro, the police force says yes... you may go on with the simulation. Drive all over even in horrendous traffic and floods for all they care. You sulk, wish that the day was over.

Adrenaline Rush #3: having your own convoy
You are told that you have to drive back to the airport, then to the hotel, then to the venue of the gala dinner. You try to complain... Shietous day this was turning out to be. Till you see your ride. A brand new sedan, very lightly tinted, leather interiors, and a plate that says "minister." It is a simulation after all... you own it. Be the "minister," you are the "minister." You have your very own driver and security officer with you in the car. You're scared to sneeze for fear of ingraining germs in the extremely clean interiors. Up front is your own motorcycle sweeper that cuts through and stops traffic, counter flows, beats red lights so your convoy can pass. Behind you is a police car with sirens to harass the motorists to get out of the way. You can see people outside trying to find out who this biggie is in the car. You control your giggles and giddy fits.. must maintain poise and grace, must look the part, must not show that what you really want to do is take a picture inside the car or roll down the windows and shout "pakshyet! ang sarap sumakay dito!!!"

The ride of your life eventually ends. You're driven back to reality, still in luxury using the new car but sans the convoy that allowed you to cruise through traffic. You realize that you're not a minister, you're not even a foreigner. Although you extremely enjoyed the ride, you know that it's not your life and that getting used to that lifestyle is not normal. You are reminded of your college Theo of Liberation, of social sin and all that. And you remember the occasional feeling of shame when you passed by all the motorists stuck in traffic, stress on occasional.

Being a VIP for the afternoon sure was a blast. But then riding in chauffeur driven cars is not the epitome of being a VIP. With great power comes great responsibility. You walk back home, hopping about in the rain thinking what a lucky git you are today. It's one of those out of this world days that may never happen again. Oh well. It was great while it lasted.

A Little Bit of French Can Kill You

2007-08-16T00:13:00.000+08:00

We weren't expecting much from J'me Sens Pas Belle (translated as I Don't Feel Beautiful). Alliance Francaise shows free French films every Wednesday. Since we now live a few blocks away, we decided to go for it.

This is the synopsis lifted from IMDB

Fanny, a single woman in her mid-thirties, has had enough of relationships that don't work, so she decides to seduce Paul, a colleague from the office, into a brief one-night sexual encounter. Everything is prepared when Paul arrives, but then, thanks to Fanny's clumsiness, things don't exactly work out as planned

Written by H. Prillinger

We left Alliance with the same feeling we always have when watching a really good romantic comedy. This is one of those movies that end up making you feel depressed because you don't have that kind of life, at least not yet. That perfect embrace, a guy who is so sweet and endearing, not afraid to cry in bed and say thank you, buy you breakfast in the morning, caress your face and give you one of the sweetest morning kisses ever... Is it that easy to find the love of your life in one night? To expect just a fling to pass the night and end up with a much greater thing?

Obviously I'm still affected. That film almost gave me a heart attack. If you're in the mood to be giddy and mushy, that's the movie to watch. It will make you want to cuddle next to the one you love or will make you want to search for someone to cuddle with.

This is the bittersweet song from the movie. It's called Thirty and Better. It's about living alone and not caring about it, although occasionally you do think about it, but at the end of the day, it's your choice and you're happy. Enjoy. For those who can understand french, i need a translation! I can't find one online.

Trentenaire et celibataire
Uploaded by Servietsky
video from www.dailymotion.com

Why You?!?!?!?!?!?!? WHY?!!!!!

2007-08-11T13:46:00.000+08:00

I read this from the Inquirer. I can't contain my reactions. Demet!

Yilmaz Bektas in Manila to woo Ruffa back

By Tarra Quismundo
Inquirer
Last updated 09:07pm (Mla time) 08/10/2007

MANILA, Philippines -- (UPDATE) By himself on a long flight from Turkey, Yilmaz Bektas, the controversial husband of actress and television host Ruffa Gutierrez, has returned to Manila to try to win back his family.

Welcomed by an anxious mob of media and curious airport employees, Bektas arrived at the Ninoy Aquino International Airport via an Emirates flight at 5 p.m. Friday, escorted by airline security from the plane to a waiting hotel service car.

Accused of beating and verbally abusing his wife, a timid Bektas obliged to answer a few questions from reporters.

“I miss my kids and I miss my wife and I'm gonna see her, I'm gonna see my kids,” said Bektas, between walking and looking out for his suitcase. -- Demet !!!! Bakit sya pa? Shyet!!! Ang sweet. Demet!!!!! Hehe. Ingget.

“I'm gonna lose my suitcase,” he then said, as photographers continued to flick the shutter.

Asked whether there was still a chance for him and Gutierrez to get back together, Bektas said: “Yes, that's why I'm here.” -- Awwww.. Crap.

Bektas, who once had harsh words for his wife at the height of their feud, said he will stay in the Philippines for “maybe 10 days” or “until I'm gonna get Ruffa's heart back.” --or if you don't get her back, I'm here. Haha! Yun naman pala eh. May sariling evil agenda.

He said he last talked to his wife the night before his flight.

And then he stopped before the baggage conveyor and again looked for his suitcase.

“Now I don't know where my suitcase is,” said Bektas, wearing a black coat over a crisp white shirt and jeans. -- awww, lost boy. But must you describe in detail what he's wearing? Darn it, hotness!!! Hayyy... Ylmaz..

We've Arrived

2007-08-07T16:09:00.000+08:00

It's done. We've successfully moved apartments. We moved 70+ items/boxes/bags, made an OC checklist of all these 70+ items (out apartment, in truck, out truck, in apartment), unpacked and attempted to create our new home away from home.

We had no time to get sentimental and nostalgic. The movers were so efficient, they loaded all our stuff in the truck within 40 minutes. And before we could even begin to think of the apartment we've left, we were already at the new place. Our legs are sore from going up and down five flights of stairs. We have finally used general body malaise in our leave of absence forms in the office. This time it's legitimate. But the exhaustion and pain were all worth it.

We're really happy with the new place. If we were allowed one week of absence from work, we would have easily taken it without blinking an eye. We realized too that although we've accumulated tons and tons of personal stuff, we never invested in furniture. Hence, the empty living room that echoes. But that will soon be resolved, hopefully with a really comfy couch.

This was the ultimate test to our "independence," proving our resourcefulness and organization. It's times like these when we affirm how in sync we all are. Thinking and planning is easy because we know each other so well. So we continue with our "independent" lifestyle. Living away from our families, occasionally thinking grown up issues like monthly expenses and what not, racking our brains on where to eat since there's no warm home-cooked food waiting for us when we get home. We've been at this for ten years. I think this is a fitting milestone to ten years of friendship. We may each eventually move on, possibly careers abroad or one of us getting hitched. But for now, we continue what we've been doing... everyday slumber party at our fabulous new apartment.

We're moving!

2007-08-01T02:33:00.000+08:00

Finally after six years, we're moving to a new place. We've been trying to do it for four years now but we never found the perfect space. Finally we have. This one's almost twice as big as our old apartment, has a roof deck (parteh!) with an amazing view of the Makati skyline and is near Buddy's Pancit Lucban (hala, purga sa pancit hab hab).

It's actually just down the road, 10 minutes away from where we are now. But I still can't help the creeping separation anxieties. Six years is a long time, you know. Lots of memories in that small space that we called home for quite a while. So allow me to be nostalgic for a bit. Some things I'll miss when we move.

my walk home route- valero, dela costa, makati ave., burgos... speaking of which...
walking on P. Burgos Street, seeing the visiting foreigners (quite pervie, really) enjoy a bit of Makati entertainment, the girls, the gays, the occasional shock of seeing those odd couples (big chunk of white male with an uber petite and pinay female/ or could be male --they have adam's apple forkrissake!!! how can you mistake them for girls?!), occasionally getting checked out by undesirable weirdos (yiiiii! eewww! i feel so dirty!)
being able to actually walk to Powerplant, yes it's that near -- for that lifestyles of the rich and famous fix, star sighting fix (yesterday I saw zanjo marudo, manu sandejas and carlos agassi), crowd-less shopping fix (as if i can really shop at Powerplant), and overall feel mayaman for the night fix
In the absence of cabs, we can actually walk it home from Glorietta. It's slightly far but it's walkable. Flip flops and good company and we're set.
THE bibingka they sell during simbang gabi at Burgos Church
Insular Bakery - where else can you buy yummy enseymada at 4 pesos a pop?
That 711 just around the corner which allowed me to survive on bread, an assortment of chips, payless instant chicken mami, asado siopao, chicken cheese hotdog, coke light or sola iced tea... such healthy eating habits, don't you agree?
the Beef Hofan and chinese lumpia at North Park Next Door
the Makati Avenue strip of restos that satisfy our every craving - fast food, chinese, japanese, italian, pinoy
passing by Teriyaki Boy for dinner when we can't think of anywhere else to eat
being so near station 168 that I can stay till 11pm downloading all the mp3's and Rain videos I want
living near Makati's Korean Village... we must have a farewell Min Sok dinner before we move out, but when will we have the time?

It's not a total separation from all of these things. After all, we're not moving that far. But it's still different. However, I'm extremely excited and hopeful that this move will open to more opportunities. Maybe it will bring us that career boost we've been waiting for, or new and brighter prospects in our nonexistent "social" lives (I will not label it as what it really is.. hehe. Don't want to be like Uncle Vernon in Bridget Jones' Diary). New aura, feng shui, good karma... whatever it is. This move feels good.

So we're off! Packing the must haves and disposing the worn out. Someone made me think before that moving was such a burden, like it's a never ending packing experience. But like most of the things that person made me believe, it's actually quite the opposite. I'm loving this experience. By this time next week, I'll have a new address. It's sinking in, and it feels fabulous.

Teehee

2007-07-27T17:43:00.000+08:00

She's going to kill me, evil genius will kill me. Like I'll reconsider posting it. Of course not. I'm not afraid for my life. I'm not scared she'll creep into my room tonight and beat the crap out of me. Like she really will, or will she? Hmmmm.

I'm one of THE biggest fans. I can't resist the temptation to brag about her every chance that I get. She's so braggable! (Is there even such a word?) Our little girl is growing up ... sniff sniff...

Stop, load, watch and listen. This is from the Walang Ibang Hangad concert last 15 July. The Francisco Santiago Hall at the Equitable PCI Tower was full to the brim. As ever, Hangad was amazing. And then some. I'm grabbing this from Ernest Custodio's videos on Youtube. I hope he doesn't mind.

Potter's Done

2007-07-24T00:40:00.000+08:00

It's done. I'm done.

After being oblivious to the whole world for the entire weekend, I'm finished. I'm not going to provide my own review of the book. It will feel too obligatory. And I'll leave those who haven't finished it in peace. All I can say is it's a fitting ending. Full closure established.

I'm still dazed though. All I can think of now is it's finished. There's nothing more to come. And that somehow makes me sad. Seven books, quite a journey. Now what?

High EQ Mode

2007-07-21T09:30:00.001+08:00

I have it! It's finally here, still wrapped in the Fully Booked plastic bag. And what do I do? Blog. Yes friends, I am psycho. I've been waiting for this for so long and when I finally get it, I can't even touch it.

I'm cramping, I've only slept for three hours but only Harry can make me wake up at 6am on a Saturday. I went with the roomies to Powerplant. As we entered the mall, we saw people carrying their copies and it heightened the excitement and agitation of getting our own. I was sure I'd get a copy even if I didn't reserve. A profit-minded retailer would most probably stock up and take advantage of this hype. If we could only jump from the first level to the third level of the mall, I think we would have done so. We got to Fully Booked and saw tables covered with the book. I touched them lovingly and picked the one that called to me. My friends were done paying and I was still selecting my book!

Pathetic though, we were having our free coffee at the Press when Teen messaged and told us that JK Rowling dedicated the book to us. To be specific, she writes, " ...and to you, if you have stuck with Harry until the very end."I started weeping! Maybe it's the hormones, maybe it's the lack of sleep, maybe it's the heat. I even got goosebumps now as I typed her words. It really got to me. The books have been part of my consciousness for almost eight years. And now that I have the last book, I'm quite nostalgic thinking how life would be like with one less thing to look forward to. I'm on delayed gratification mode. If I can stretch the time I spend reading it, I would if only to savor the experience. But I know I'd probably rush once I open the first page. So for now, I'll still keep it in the plastic bag where it's been for three hours now. I'll get to it in... 30 minutes... Haha! Not so high EQ mode after all.

Love actually is all around...

2007-07-20T12:20:00.000+08:00

It was the usual afternoon slack mode yesterday. This has got to stop. But nice things come out of "slack episodes." An opportunity to talk with friends not so far away who are equally on anti work mode. Bane sent me a reaffirming email on relationships and marriage. I reacted saying that the stuff in that article is what actually scares the crap out of me when it comes to the idea of settling down. She responds and blows me away..

... If the right Person comes along, time and depth of feeling just make sense... It's wonderful to believe that this miracle (the perfect union) is nevertheless Possible in our lifetime di ba =) The waiting would be worth it.

And then she sends me the big guns. Ideals from movies. They may be fiction, but they sure are certifiably genius.

Something's Gotta Give: Someone who gets you
The Wedding Planner: Being the "Greater" one for another who believed he already had something "Great" whatever that may be
Two Weeks Notice: Someone who knows our rough edges, but realizes that if he looks closer, we're absolutely beautiful
Chasing Liberty: Someone who will make and whom we will make the big gesture
American President: Someone for whom we just might send 455 to the Floor

Uh-oh we are in trouble

2007-07-19T00:44:00.000+08:00

I read this from Time Magazine's article on "The Science of Addiction." This is me, this is so me.

Substance and behavioral addiction
Caffeine: It is the most widely used mood-altering drug in the world and is routinely ingested by about 80%-90% of Americans, primarily through soda and coffee. A daily brewed cup of joe, with 100 mg of caffeine, can lead to physical dependence. Withdrawal symptoms are experienced by 40% to 70% of those trying to quit.

I remember two years back. As my Lenten sacrifice, I tried not to ingest any kind of caffeine in my system during Fridays. Oh what a nightmare. I turned into a monster, an ugly, cranky, generally foul and vile version of me. I cannot see myself going through that again. Just thinking about it makes me shiver and feel cold, like a dementor was about to suck all the happiness from me. I don't smoke, I rarely drink. But caffeine is my poison.

dahhhcy

2007-07-15T02:13:00.000+08:00

My "IT" has been christened, finally.

The idea actually came from Ceia. It was quite a task naming this thing that I so love. The few names I thought of before THE ONE.

Zen: lame... will end up a laughingstock. will probably show signs of unimaginative tendencies. not good
Optimus Prime: too long, as mentioned. on a high from Transformers so this might fade quickly
Colin: as Ceia suggested... getting warm
Henry: quite manly but not sticking
Mr. Darcy: getting warmer, but not quite there yet... still
Cuppy: (pronounced as cccuuuuppyy in a mushy kiddy voice) coined while waiting for Harry Potter to begin. the things you talk about when there are no previews

Got home, thought about it some more and I have it. Darcy. It sticks. But a British accent is required to say it. Not just to be pronounced as Darrrcy.. It must be Dahhhccyy, dahlings.

From hereon, it shall be called Darcy.

In An Ideal Relationship

2007-07-10T12:14:00.000+08:00

Hep hep hep. Before the lot of you start rushing to your nearest church to rejoice and give thanks that I've finally found THE ONE, this is not about a he, it's about an it.

I still haven't quite named it. I'm quite tempted to christen it as Zen but I remember Ceia laughing at me when I called it as such. I'm working on it Cei, not to worry. It's too unique to be generically named as Zen. Hmmm.. that's weird. I'm in a relationship with an unnamed entity.

We met last year. And I've had a crush on it ever since I checked out its specs. I had a few fickle moments when I thought it was better to get the other brand because it was pretty. But this one persisted. I fell in love with it when I bought it last 26 June. It made me so giddy I couldn't stop smiling for days. I bragged about it, showed it off to family and friends.

We've had a few rocky moments, when I thought I'd give up organizing music to load in it because there was just too many, when I found out that it still had to convert the videos to a lower quality before transferring, when it hung when I was trying to introduce the concept of multi-tasking. But we've settled now, kinks worked out, all songs finally loaded. There are occasional OC moments like last night when I decided to re-upload everything again to capture the album cover pictures. But thankfully, it is patient with me.

I'm enjoying this new relationship. I have it with me wherever I go, rain or shine, in bed or walking, reflecting. It matches my moods everyday. When I feel mushy, angry, nostalgic. When I want to dance, vege, head bang. It satisfies my fixes for world music, JT, PCD, Rain, Take That. It tolerates my Korean and Gipsy Kings modes when no one else can. It gives me space when I simply want quiet. Now if guys can be like this too.... I know it's bound to hurt me when it crashes on me one day. But this relationship, I know, can be fixed if ever broken. It would require a lot of patience and time but can always be fixed.

Now looking back and reading what I've written... it's bordering on psycho. No actually, this is quite a psychotic entry. Well, (and again Teeway, I quote from the song) I am an average everyday sane psycho.

I Don't Want To Jinx It

2007-07-05T18:14:00.000+08:00

I seriously believe in the power of jinx. I don't know if it's pure coincidence. But I know that I can somehow jinx things from happening when I talk about it too much.

Hence, I shall shut up for a while. No stories, no little tidbits, no anecdotes. I will not indulge in mentionitis. Promise. What's the use of telling people when it won't materialize into anything in the future?

So I will shut up for now, unless asked directly. I hope no one asks for a while though.

Otherworldly

2007-07-03T13:50:00.000+08:00

I'm extremely into this song right now. It's one of those songs that make you want to daydream all day.

By Your Side
Sade

you think i'd leave your side baby
you know me better than that
you think i'd leave you down when you're down on your knees
i wouldn't do that
i'll tell you you're right when you want
and if only you could see into me

oh when you're cold
i'll be there
hold you tight to me

when you're on the outside baby and you can`t get in
i will show you you're so much better than you know
when you're lost and you're alone and you cant get back again
i will find you darling and i will bring you home

and if you want to cry
i am here to dry your eyes
and in no time
you'll be fine

you think i'd leave your side baby
you know me better than that
you think id leave you down when you're down on your knees
i wouldn't do that
i'll tell you you're right when you want
and if only you could see into me

oh when you're cold
i'll be there
hold you tight to me
when you're low
i'll be there
by your side baby

oh when you're cold
i'll be there
hold you tight to me
oh when you're low
i'll be there
by your side baby

--------------------------------------

Daydreaming. It's such an indulgence. Words are cheap and can possibly be insincere. But what if it's all you have now? Wouldn't you want to surround yourself in this wonderful bubble of daydream?

And ze winner izz

2007-06-28T12:22:00.000+08:00

Creative Zen Vision M, my new baby.

I'm still in the process of equipping Zen. I didn't realize that it's such a tedious thing to be anal and extremely organized. I'm so tempted to load everything on my laptop as they are but I know I'll regret it in the future.

So on to labeling, reloading and God knows what. This was one happy purchase. I need happiness.

High?

2007-06-25T01:20:00.000+08:00

Giddy. Smiling. Mush.

Falling? Uh oh...

Serious? I don't know.

Surreal and unrealistic. Definitely.

I don't know what to do.

WALANG IBANG HANGAD

2007-06-20T16:50:00.000+08:00

CATCH WALANG IBANG HANGAD: AN ALL A CAPPELLA CONCERT THIS JULY 8 AND 15

Celebrate the moments when you can't help but sing with Walang Ibang Hangad: An All A Cappella Concert at 6 PM on July 8 and 15 at the Francisco Santiago Hall, Equitable PCI Bank Tower 1, Makati Ave. cor Dela Costa St., Makati City. Tickets will be available at the gate for P150 each.

Walang Ibang Hangad will feature songs from three of Hangad's five albums, such as "Magnificat" and "Paghahandog"; existing arrangements including "Man in the Mirror" and "People Get Ready"; and new and original arrangements of "Hawak-Kamay", "Power of Your Love", "You Raise Me Up", and "I Will Sing Forever."

For more information, visit www.hangad.com or contact mail@hangad.com

Me Wantz Itz

2007-06-18T18:12:00.000+08:00

Creative Zen Vision M vs iPOD Nano 8gig Red special edition

Decisions, decisions. Pretty petty ones to make, but still, decisions nonetheless.

They're both retailing at the same price. If you look at it practically, there's no decision to make. Zen Vision M is the winner. With 30gig capacity, video capability, FM radio enabled etc., it's one mean mp3 player. I've read rave reviews about it and I've always been convinced that should I buy an mp3 player, I'd surely go for this. No questions asked.

Till the day I saw the red special edition of the iPOD nano. Sure it's only 8gig compared to 30. Sure it only plays mp3 and wav and stores photos. But. It. Is. So. Damn. Pretty! The mere sight of it makes me salivate. My inner Gollum is threatening to be unleashed.

The iPOD nano red is part of the Product Red campaign of Bono. I am extremely bothered though, that only $10 from the $304 (peso cost converted) that I'd spend will go to the Global Fund to fight AIDS in Africa. Seriously, would my $10 even make a difference?

We're talking aesthetics here. I'm being honest and admitting that pure aesthetics is the real issue. Functionality versus visual appeal. Which path do I take?

Then there's another decision, should I go for the 30 gig or the 60 gig? Enough now, enough. That's something I have to think about after I get through the first hurdle.

Help!

Pancake Ritual

2007-06-12T15:46:00.000+08:00

I’ve always had my own unique way of eating pancakes. I’ve discovered that a lot of people also have their own.

My take. And this applies to my all time favorite, McDonald’s two piece pancakes. Spread butter then strawberry jam on one pancake, place the second pancake on top of the first pancake and proceed to spread butter and strawberry jam on top of the second one. Pour the lovely golden sweetness (channeling Nigella?) of the maple syrup and let it ooze. I normally slice the pancakes into strips, then into cubes before I eat it. Usually, my friends are already half done with theirs before I even begin to eat.

I’ve been having a lot of pancakes these days at McDonalds and have observed how other people eat theirs.

This guy who sat on the table in front of me eats his pancakes very differently that I think I kind of freaked him out because I couldn’t stop looking. He spreads butter on one pancake then swirls the maple syrup on it. And I mean swirl! I could see the swirl from my table. He starts swirling from the center to the outer corners. Then he slices a strip, rolls that strip and then eats it. Talk about art attack on food.

Others are not too fussy about it. Spread butter, pour syrup, slice, eat. Simple, sweet.

Ceia if I remember correctly, puts one pancake on top of the other. Then lifts the top pancake so she can spread butter underneath. Then pours the syrup in sections, slices half of the pancake in strips, then in cubes. Did I get it right?

Leigh's way is similar to mine with the exception of the last step. She slices her pancakes like a pizza instead of slicing them into cubes.

What’s your pancake ritual?

*photo courtesy of iirraa at flickr.com

Food Glorious Food

2007-06-06T16:15:00.000+08:00

More on Baguio. Food shots (inspired by numerous food blog sites) that I took during the weekend out of town.

Gotohan sa may Session Road

Goto Queen for only 35 pesos
Just what you need on a cold early morning stroll. It's the warm soup that does it, not necessarily the taste.

Solibao claims to have the best puto bumbong. They have every right to brag.
It's the best I've ever tasted. The muscovado sugar sprinkled generously makes all difference.

What lies underneath is Rito's famous bulalo. One order of less than P150 is more than enough for four.
But it's best to consume it all really fast before the cold weather turns the soup to lard.

Only in Baguio Starbucks, fruit tart topped with strawberries

the P95 peso T-bone steak at Sizzling Plate, Session Road
It looks nice but it was extremely hard to eat. The meat was too tough and my hands hurt from struggling to slice it.
I know I have a weak grip but it doesn't have to be that hard to eat a T-bone steak, does it?

grilled chicken salad at Zola, Session Road
best buy for only P50+

lovely cappuccino foam
it was fun to watch the foam slowly swallowing the brown sugar

funnel cake madness
My friends had two servings, I was happy with my cappuccino.

Visual DNA

2007-06-05T16:56:00.000+08:00

This is cool... Check it out for yourself.

http://dna.imagini.net/friends

My results

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Mood: sofisticat
has a taste for the exotic
likes to kick back
has a good eye and some knowledge on art (although I sometimes pretend to know... faker),
experimental (very experimental I might add) and a little unconventional
music is the soundtrack to my world (which is true)
likes to unwind and switch off, a break from reality (not like, LOVE!)
care about my physical appearance

Fun: Escape Artist (title pa lang, totoo na)
I consider life exhausting and can never seem to get enough rest... I need my rest!
likes to indulge in great passions (of which I can't seem to think of right now)
happy spending time alone (very happy)
drive and curiosity will take me all over the world
loves to explore and immerse in another culture during holidays (tell me about it, if I was given a week, I would've discovered everything there is to Singapore)
always on the go and take on as much as I can

Habits: Back to Basics
treasure your possessions
looking fresh is standard
if i look good, i feel better (true, dem... vanity)
Caffeine - need an extra kick to get going, and where would i be without it?
have a very contemporary taste for home styles, simple approach

Love: Love Bug
long tern commitment, devotion and tenderness
think of living for the here and now
fearless and takes on any opportunity given to you (hmmmm... really? sometimes i feel like a coward)

Baguio

2007-06-04T13:54:00.000+08:00

I'm tired of posting rants. I will try as much as possible to focus on the good things in life now no matter how bleak things may seem. One of them, my recent trip to Baguio with friends. Some photos I took during the three day vacation.

flowers at Burnham Park, they're just growing like weeds

glass chimes at PNKY Bed and Breakfast
This and all the furniture they have are all for sale.

the people at PNKY change the flowers everyday
It's such a nice treat to wake up seeing these in the morning.

fresh strawberries at the Baguio market are so photogenic
Never mind that they're P100 more expensive today than they were yesterday because of the rain, heart breaking fact that my friends had to accept to bring home these lovelies

the not so photogenic veggies, or is it just my jittery hands?
But the veggies are cheap. If i didn't mind hauling two bayong bags back to Manila, I'd buy kilos and kilos of all sorts of veggies that are expensive in the city.

Break Ups

2007-06-03T00:55:00.001+08:00

Break ups are messy. They suck the life out of the breakees. A lot of break ups are happening all at once. Is this break up season? I want to hug my friends and somehow transfer all my good energies to make them feel better. But anything I say is not enough to mask the pain. It's hard to make them see beyond the now. I wish we didn't have to go thru these things but that's life, we rise and fall.

Which brings me to question... Is love worth the pain? Is "It's better to have loved, than to not have loved at all." just pure baloney? For someone who has never been in love, I'd risk it and say yes, maybe it's worth it. But coming from an objective point of view, it's still best to be selfish, to leave some love for yourself and not go all out.

Cei told me before, and I still have that message with me, "promise me that you won't forget yourself, that you won't give everything that you are to that one person." I think this is the hardest thing to do. We forget to leave some for ourselves because we're so hung over love. And when love does end, we don't know where to start going back to our old selves because we've been lost in love.

Time heals all wounds no matter how painful. No matter how dark the future seems, life has a way of working out. We get better. We don't forget, but we move on. We must.

Rain

2007-05-29T22:46:00.001+08:00

Getting stranded in a mall while it's raining (no actually, pouring) outside may seem fine but when you're alone and have pretty much accomplished what you needed to do, it is hell! Some things I realized while I waited for the rain to stop.

As much as I love de-stressing at the mall, I can only take so much of it. By the third hour, I was ready to weep because I wanted to go home so badly.

Not having a car sucks big time. These are the times you question yourself, your parents and pretty much every living creature on why you were not blessed with your own mode of transportation. It could have been so easy to get home. No need to compete with the impatient and cranky commuters.

I love big bags but it is osteoporosis-enducing. My shoulders hurt, my back hurts. But I still can't give it up.

I hate seeing mushy couples. Maybe it's because it's my second day. Maybe it's because I'm extra cranky from being stranded. But I hate baby talk. I hate them saying mushy stuff to each other.

Jeez I'm on bitch mode. And whining mode. Not good...

Cooky Monday

2007-04-30T17:04:00.000+08:00

You are in the middle of a very slow, very mundane Monday. You don’t care if your officemates see you watching Bollywood news on Youtube. Anything to wake you up.

You suddenly remember that you lost one document and need to go on a mad search for it. At last! Menial, brainless work! Perfect for an afternoon of procrastination. You stand up, start rummaging through your mountain of papers and start looking busy. Then your officemate says you have a phone call. Who the hell would be calling when you’re finally doing “work”?

You say hello, took you two seconds to figure out who that droning, moping voice at the other end of the line comes from. Yes, that insufferable excuse for a man.

You: Why did you call? (Get lost.)
Him: I’m bored. (And this is my problem?) What’s new?
You: Nothing. (Like I would tell you)
Him: So what’s new? (This used to be cute, turned to tolerable, now it’s just annoying)
You: Nothing! I’m looking for something ok. You interrupted me. (GET LOST!)
Him: What are you looking for? Maybe I know. (slimeball! Eeeewwwerr!)
You: *deadpan tone* As if…
Him: Why are you still pretending to work? You only have a month left there. (if you could put your hands through the phone, you would’ve taken all his hair out by now)
You: Two months. (Why do you even bother to answer?! Why?!)
Him: So when are you treating me? (the gall!)
You: No more treats. I need to save up. Besides, you bought a new gadget. You have more money.
Him: I did? I bought something new? I told you? When?
You: gggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr… (at this point you really want to hang up, hell you should’ve hung up when he said he’s bored?! What’s wrong with you?!)
Him: You’re so cranky. You’re no fun to talk to. Good thing I still call you and talk to you. Better if I just call someone else. (he should be thankful he’s far far away for me to do any physical damage, but then witchcraft transcends distance.. hmmmm…)
You: Fine. Go pester someone else.

You hang up. You could’ve said “Like I care” or “Like I really still want to talk to you?” or “Get lost you jerkwod!” Plenty of things, more dramatic, more fitting to go with slamming the phone after you’ve said the line. But no, you’ve lost your chance yet again. Gaaaaaaaahhhhh! When will this silliness end?!

No Fair

2007-04-26T13:15:00.000+08:00

I can normally take a sufficient amount of whining. I can’t deny that I’m not a whiner myself. But when you try not to but someone else is, it’s annoying. And when you know that there’s very little basis for the whining, it’s even more irritating

At the office:

You just got back from a meeting… sit quietly on your desk thinking what to do next. You try to ignore the grunts of your office friend since she did send you to that meeting to “cover” for her.

Friend: Ok I’m done (whatever it is she’s been busy with). God, I need a break! *hugh sigh* (like sitting on your desk, organizing whatever it is can really be a huge back-breaking task)

You still ignore her. She stands up, continues her tirade.

Friend: I am so tired. My brain is dead.

What can possibly make her brain dead?

Friend: I need to go home. Ugh! I’m drained. I need to rest.

Duh! Like I didn’t spend half a day in a meeting she was supposed to go to. Like I’m not involved in the project she’s doing.

There are so many things to complain about. I don’t even want to start. I may never finish. But please, a little bit of sensitivity here. We’re all in the same boat. We’re all equally tired, equally lost. So again, please.

A Very Brief and More Than Welcome Italian Distraction

2007-04-18T16:56:00.000+08:00

I should have trusted my instincts, should have ever. I looked at my camera this morning and decided against bringing it to work. Big mistake, huge! Of course work is work but when there are pretty distractions to help get you through the day, you can't help but have a stupid wide grin off your face.

Me and my boss ended up taking care of four diplomats from various European countries. And surprise surprise, they were all good looking. It was like Il Divo came to town and decided to disguise as diplomats. My boss conveniently left her card and so suggested that I give mine to one of them. I giddily gave mine and wrote my mobile number since he needed to get in touch with us.

A few handshakes and very brief attempts at conversations later, my phone rings. It's him. I recognize the accent and I just love him saying my name. I dragged myself out of our work room to talk to him better. My knees were getting weak, I could feel my cheeks blushing. It's the accent, it's driving me crazy! Of course now that I look back and replay the phone call, it was all official business. But hey, who doesn't go giddy when a gorgeous guy you're attracted to calls you?

I'm back to reality. Brief as it was, it certainly made my day so much more pleasant. These are the days I forget I have life issues. Ahluvit.

In limbo...

2007-04-15T22:18:00.000+08:00

Yes, everyday is limbo day. I've been comfortably living in limbo for the past couple of years. I know I should be worried. I should be panicking. But I'm somehow not. I'm depressed as hell but strangely I'm not scared at the thought that I don't know where I'll end up after a month. I'm crazy, I know.

I'm looking forward to my friend's wedding, apartment's 10th anniversary shebang in Baguio in May, a possible visit from someone special a few months from now. Otherwise, my whole existence is blah with a capital B.

Boracay Overload

2007-04-11T16:41:00.000+08:00

I like my Boracay when I can actually see water and sand, when I don't have to wrestle for a spot on the beach, when I can just have peace and quiet. That's the way I like it. Some photos to share of this year's beach trip.

Just goes to show that not all pretty food actually taste good. We went to the Lemon Cafe and I ordered the turkey breast with apple celery mayo sandwich. Sounds tasty, right? Not! The sandwich, which was the best tasting of all the food that we ordered, tasted quite bland. I had to finish the sandwich because it was quite pricey. The saving grace of the dish, the potato chips. How can you go wrong with potato chips?

Mongolian grill at Summer Place is a classic Boracay meal. I always ask the waitresses to mix the numerous seasonings available. If I leave it up to me to season the meat and veggies, it would be inedible

I've been in love with the Shawarma at Cafe Del Mar since I was introduced to it during my first trip to Boracay. The spicy sauce and filling beef and veggies is good enough for lunch. Their mango shake is best to wash down this spicy treat.

And the best and cheapest meal of all... The chori burger for only P40. Best buy ever! It looks like roadkill but it tastes divine. Such a contrast to the bland tasting sandwich up there. Basic bread and chorizo grilled to crisp with spicy sauce. This is my idea of heaven.

Chillout Bar. Lounge chairs on the beach, accoustic music by a diva guitar player who doesn't want to sing our requests, semi-cutie looking men who can pass as eye candy for the night and most importantly, booze. We're there! And as a bonus, they even have a waiter cum fire dancer. I don't know if he wanted to burn his clients but he was really quite close to us so we had to stand up and move further away from him, much further. The chairs in the picture are evidence to how close he was to us when he started dancing.

Stalking Paolo Paraiso at Jonah's. We must have seen this dude more than four times. He started looking quite freaked out the third time we saw him. Excuse me, we weren't stalking him We'd like to think he was stalking us.. hmmm..

The always pretty sand castles. For only a "donation" that starts at P20, you can have your picture taken in front of it. If you're too nuts in love with your boyfriend or girlfriend, it only takes P120 for the manong to write your names on the bottom part of the sand castle and then you may do all the mushy and cheezy poses you want with your partner. Please, spare me!

Wait a minute, where's the beach? I can't talk about Boracay and not show the beach.

There.. much better..

Take your pick, the always hypnotizing Boracay sunset

This is beach life. When you have nothing to do but take plenty of pictures, some of them quite silly like this one, but who cares. Take too many pictures that fill your memory card to the brim. Lounge on a hammock, pretend to read when you're really taking a nap, roll on the white sand. You're on vacation, it's summer, you have the license to go crazy.

Starbuko

2007-04-04T11:03:00.000+08:00

God I hope I made the right decision. Declining a job offer is like breaking up with someone. I think. hehe. You have to find the right words to soften the blow.

I refused it for several reasons of which I will keep to myself. I hope the right job is still out there for me. I'm trusting my gut feel this time. I felt unsure about this one. Gaaaaaaahhhhhh!! Any development agency willing to adopt me?!

Boracay For The Third Time

2007-03-26T12:08:00.000+08:00

The sand, the surf... I'll never get tired of it. I miss the beach. And why wouldn't you miss it when it's this beautiful?

Fixing photos, fixing my head too. It's still full of water and sand. Will post more when I've de-beached.

Letting go

2007-03-16T17:53:00.000+08:00

Just because you ask me doesn't mean I'm going to jump. A few months ago, I would have been at your beck and call. Actually, I was.

But I've gone through a fairly long detoxification and self-therapy. I can say no now. I can think twice before I say yes now. I can think of the implications of my actions now. And it feels great!

Out of Whack

2007-03-13T13:10:00.000+08:00

Everything's out of whack, myself mostly. I think my previous blogs have pretty much set the tone of this blog. I still don't see any light at the end of this very long tunnel. Maybe a glimmer, but it's still blurry.

I woke up this morning and I really thought it was Saturday. B peeped in my room, woke me up (thank God otherwise I would have slept on) and asked me if I’m awake and I asked her if they’re going home to the province. Maybe the fact that I slept at 9pm and woke up at 4am put me in a Twilight Zone of sorts. I did my usual slow routine of getting ready for work. These days, it's not just getting ready physically, it's armoring myself emotionally, conditioning myself that I must go. I was getting dressed and listening to Rain's CD then for some reason, I started crying. It wouldn't stop. I was hit with nostalgia (work related mostly), hit very badly. I'm really generally sad these days. It's the little happy moments that make me smile and get thru the day.

A few breaks (shall I say episodes) from the usual slump...

Hangad's concert. An excuse to go back to school, reminisce, re-evaluate and pray for guidance. T's continues to wow me. Never fails everytime. She's like fine wine, getting better with age, or with experience in this case. Naks! Cei taught me to explore my camera's manual settings. I'm excited to try it on everything especially with the upcoming beach trip next week.

Had my first job interview in 4 years. This is my first grand step towards moving on. I think it went well but I couldn't read the person who interviewed me. The experience gave me such a rush but I don't want to be too happy and expect anything. Taking it one step at a time, if there is any step two to come. I realized I wasn't really comfortable answering questions like what are your strengths, how do you see yourself 3 or 5 years from now? I was cringing in my seat.

Job interviews are like dates. You attempt to make an idealized version of yourself, dress really well, try to have the perfect hair day (not just good hair day mind you). During the interview, you even doubt if what you're saying is true or just pure BS. And looking back, you think of the numerous things that you could have included, or could have said better. And after the experience, you're left to think if they'll call. Even if you want to call, you don't want to appear too eager and in your face. And if you never get a call back, you're left to think of what you did wrong. If you do get a call back, there's this giddy rush but then you step back and think where this is going and if you really want what you're getting into. I rest my case.

And an up to the minute update, they did call. Step two is on Friday. Golly... need to sort out my priorities for real now.

Next week is beach week. I'm excited. It's a chance to get out of the city, detach and just chill. Forget about the big city problems for 3 days and just enjoy the sun. I soo need this break.

Written at 3AM

2007-03-02T13:01:00.000+08:00

I don’t want to sleep. I fear what the next day will bring. Shall it bring another death, another fit, another unresolved issue, another friend leaving, a sudden misunderstanding that will stretch for days? I feel so burdened with everything that I fear I might break soon.

I smile, I’m normal. I show them what they want to see. A fairly happy version of me, to appease all. Nothing’s wrong. That’s what I’d like them to believe. I'd rather wallow than spend my whole time explaining why everything's so low.

My body’s telling me to rest and call it a day. But my brain refuses to follow. It relishes the silence of nighttime, when nothing matters, when you are not judged for what you do or do not do. When you are just left with you. I wish the whole day can be nighttime.

Going Down.. Down... Down

2007-02-23T11:01:00.000+08:00

I should never allow myself to think that everything can be smooth sailing. I was so high and happy last week and now I feel like I'm paying for that indulgence.

My godfather died of a heart attack. I don't know why I felt sad when my mom told me the news. He was one of those people who never did anything right. He was a grand dreamer but never realized any of his dreams. My friend said it's sad that he never was able to redeem himself. That his sudden passing left things hanging for him. We mourn his loss in our lives. No more cooky weirdo Ninong telling us that this is doable, that he can fly to the moon and back... I hope his passing does one thing he never could do when he alive, bring his family together.

My boss is planning to jump ship. She's been planning to do this for quite sometime but it's more real now. We feel it. It's getting really difficult to get things moving workwise these days. It's hard to deal with stubborness and increased bursts of temper. The system that's been working for the past couple of years do not apply anymore. We are unsure as to what we can and cannot do. I feel like we're being fed to the lions. I don't mind being swamped with work. I would welcome it if that's the case. But I can't take heightened sensitivities and diva behavior. It's such a disincentive to work. I know that the end is near. But this is not the ending I envisioned. I'm proud of what we have achieved at work, the very close personal ties we've established. I don't want things to get ugly before we move on. That's why moving on is not just an option now, it's a must.

To make this week even more worse, I received an unwanted comment from someone this morning that just ruined my day. Why can't we just be left alone? It's been too long. Is our coping mechanism that low or even nonexistent that we are so unable to restrain ourselves from going back? Ugh! I don't need this. We don't need this.

It's been a very rough week. I have no motivation to go to work. My energy levels are so down that I can sleep for more than 12 hours straight. I don't want to eat. I feel like locking myself in one room for weeks. My friends occassionally provide distraction. A long lost and far away friend's comeback is enough to make me smile these days. But even then, I'm scared to focus on those small joys since they might be taken away again suddenly.

Vdaynezz

2007-02-16T10:47:00.000+08:00

A lot of bloggers have been writing about surviving Vday. I did not survive it, I immersed myself in it.

I never realized it until I broke it, but I’ve somehow managed to have a Valentine’s Day ritual. Picnic lunch at the park with officemates, then dinner and sappy movie marathon amidst lovey-dovey couples with my roomies. So I can’t really claim that Vday is just like any other day as I'd like to.

This time however, I had to go out of town to attend Cacay’s brother’s wedding. It was a fun, light and unconventional wedding. The theme was 1920’s. I attempted to wear a flapper dress but it wasn’t meant to be.

Tagaytay’s unforgiving cold weather made my voice hoarse. But it was a nice way of spending the day out of Makati where I heard nightmare stories of traffic jams and overflowing restos. Countless photos taken with friends. A chance to mingle with old friends, to meet new people and just to humor the whole bunch of them when they tried to fix me with someone.

To Dion and Steph, Cheers! Here’s to a life full love and togetherness.

Happy Valentine’s Day to all!

Strong Opinions From An "Authority Figure"?

2007-02-09T12:18:00.000+08:00

Man, I'm looking for trouble. I think going to numerous commentary-based blogs fueled this. But what the hell. I've been wanting to rant about this guy for so long.

This is in reaction to an article I read on Soompi titled "Producer Blasts Korean Nationalism." Park Jin Young apparently spoke about what he thought of Korean nationalism as it relates to entertainment. I'm not an authority figure on entertainment and national pride, neither am I Korean, but I just don't buy what he said. And a lot of the posters at the forum completely agreed and supported his opinion. Why? They said he had good points. What are those? Or maybe because again, he's the man behind Rain's success that's why they just suck it all up. But I can't. So excuse me if I allow myself to digest what has been said and react objectively.

It's very hypocritical to bash a concept that works and that allows you to make exorbitant amounts of money. Park Jin Young's team is extremely milking Rain's popularity. I was aghast when I was asked to pay around P5,000 to join Rain's fan club online. They said I'll get a plastic card that declares I'm officially part of the fan club and the promise that I will get freebies if and when a promo comes up. Did I register? Hell no! I have more uses for my P5,000, thank you very much. And do I really have to "register" to adore an artist? C'mon. And that's not where it ends. Countless expensive merchandise on anything of Rain, you'd think you'd be stupid to buy them but still, people save good money to be able to afford them. I myself rarely buy original CDs but I buy Rain's albums! My friends think I'm crazy! So for JYP to come out and say that he doesn't understand why Hallyu is the banner of the Korean entertainment industry when he is benefitting from it is just pure bull! And let me just add that Hallyu is an effort of various entertainment figures, not just Rain. He may be one of those on top of it but it's very arrogant to assume that he made Hallyu.

Hallyu is a brand. Similar to that of Bollywood, which has quite a following overseas as well. I admire Koreans for their strong sense of nationalism, although sometimes it does become a bit extreme. But it's not something to be ashamed of or to completely trash. I live in a country where nationalistic pride is vague and sometimes forgotten. So to see a country that prides itself on what it can produce and proactively promote it worldwide is commendable. JYP's suggesting that Koreans "overcome nationalism" because they're being criticized for it. I ask him, what kind of identity does he want Koreans to adopt since he wants them to "overcome nationalism"? He's not just speaking against Hallyu but also against the entire culture. When Asians try so hard to be recognized for their unique heritage, he has the gall to tell people to chuck them all.

The article also says that he will speak on a Hallyu Dialogue in Harvard University. We know what he's going to say in that dialogue. He should seriously consider this too, "overcome arrogance." Nuff said.

50 Things You Learn From Korean Dramas

2007-02-08T16:11:00.000+08:00

I got this from Shen Yue, a blogger on K-pop. I enjoyed the post so much that I decided to put it here too. Just in case she passes by here, I'd like to let her know that I find most of her posts funny. As can be observed by my blog, I'm one of those billions of Rain fans. But I don't find her Rain posts offensive. In fact, I find it refreshing that finally I found someone who doesn't think Rain's all that. I get sick sometimes of all those oh so adoring posts. It's tiring to read sometimes.

Anyway, I digress. Here it is

50 Things You Learn From Korean Dramas

1) Hot, rich, younger men love fat, older vulgar women.

2) If you have a best guy friend, he is in love with you. And secretly you are too

3) You and your boyfriend will always playfully chase each other on an ice rink, at the beach, or in the leaves. And you’ll laugh for no reason and your boyfriend will hit you “playfully” but the force of his push will have you flying across the room. But it’s okay. Cuz you’re still laughing like a crazy person.

4) Brothers/cousin/uncles-newphews will always love the same girl

5) You’re allowed to make u-turns wherever you want in Korea. And there is never traffic on the side you want to u-turn to.

6) There is a super quick payment device that allows you to pay a bill quickly enough for a guy to run immediately out of a restaurant after his angry girlfriend storms out.

7) Everyone has cancer. and If you’re sick, all you need is an IV to make you feel lots better. -- so reminiscent of Daniel Henney screaming exaggeratedly "She has AGC!!! Advanced Gastric Cancer!!!"

--- Hmmm... there's no 8?

9) There is vomit and urine all over Seoul at nights.

10) Fighting at a pojangmacha with a random stranger is merely part of a normal night’s event.

11) Soju must cost 10 cents. Everyone drinks it everyday all the time, especially the poor people.

12) If you’re rich, you’re a jerk.

13) If you’re poor, you’re an angel.

14) Women sleep and wake up with a full set of makeup on.

15) You’re not studying hard enough unless you get a nosebleed.

16) If you have a nosebleed, you most definately have cancer. And you have no money to pay for the surgery that will save your life. And your liver is missing. We’re not sure where it went, but it’s making your cancer progress faster.

17) If you work in a sool jeep, you have massively curly hair and wear flashy colors from the early 90’s.

18) You always order orange juice or coffee at a cafe. And you never drink it. EVER. (they drink almost as much as soju)

19) You will always call your boyfriend by his job title. Or simply sunbaenim. Never his name. Never. He doesn’t have one.

20) If you TRULY love each other, you must die together in the end. Frozen outside instead of finding shelter like sane people. Just frozen…. --- and arms around each other like that will help keep both of you warm and save your lives, seriously.

21) You go to America you come back miraculously successful. You go to England you come back amazingly fashionable. You stay in Korea and the only thing that changes is your hairstyle.

22) And if you come back with no apparent reason then it’s because you have cancer.

23) Everyone always goes to the same hospital no matter where they are.

24) If you stand out in the rain for more than five minutes, you’ll end up with a fever and vertigo and people will rush you to the hospital to get some magic IV. And instead of taking an ambulance or driving they’ll race you on their back.

25) Even if you’re poor and can’t eat, you never wear the same clothes twice.

26) If you play a poor kid, you always have dirt on your face and your hair is always messy.

27) If you’re saving someone from being hit from a car, you’ll push them out of the way and wait for the car to hit you instead. Couldn’t be more true, they’re like a deer in headlights

28) Everyone has a long lost sister/brother/twin. Usually one they didn’t know about

29) If you don’t want to answer your phone, you can’t just turn it off. The battery needs to be taken out. --- and you have to throw the battery, you can throw the phone too

30) All korean men can drink hard, smoke long, sing well and play piano. Usually all at the same time. And at the same restaurant that has a piano that they let anyone use.

31) If you’re in a relationship, you must at one point leave and have your lover tearfully come RIGHT before you board the plane (vice versa applies as well. You can be the chaser). 60% of the time you see each other, the other 40% you’re roaming around in circles and pass each other about six times, but miraculously never see them.

32) If you’re getting off a plane, you’re ALWAYS wearing sunglasses. ALWAYS.

33) All guys wear hideous tracksuits zipped up to their neck. Even if all they’re doing is jumproping.

34) Girls will always storm off because they’re mad and the guy will stoically grab them by the arm and swing them back- and by magic, not dislocate their shoulders. --- Cariño brutal, I lhuv it!

35) Guys always look like they’re 6 feet tall, even if they’re only 5′10. Thank you camera angles.

36) Guys like to wear foundation, eyeliner and sometimes a smudge of lipliner.

37) You always get stuck in an elevator with someone who makes you feel uncomfortable. Even if there are six different elevators, you’ll always be stuck in the same one with that bastard you hate (or just fought with).

38) Unless you’re fabulously rich, your in-laws will always hate you

39) So will your sister-in-law.

40) Your brother-in-law might be pining away for you.

41) There are only 2 ways to kiss. You either press your lips against theirs with your mouth completely shut, and just press away for a very long and uncomfortable time. OR you devour the other person and suck out their soul. In both instances, the world spins.

42) A guy will always get the right size ring, even if you’ve never held hands.

43) People stare off into space and ponder a lot. They’ll just stop in the middle of the road and watch a leaf on a tree for a good three minutes, and just ponder.

44) You’ll get pregnant the first time you have sex.

45) You’ll get pregnant if he kisses you on the forehead.

46) Hell- you’ll get pregnant if you hold hands.

47) If you overcome great obstacles to be together, one of you must die. Probably due to cancer.

48) One korean man can kick the butts of 6 gangstas. Especially when they all stand in a circle and attack the guy one by one. Then when each of them get their butts OWNED, they wise up and attack the guy at the same time. Then the guy will get pulverized and bleed out onto the dusty concrete floor of the empty warehouse they’ve found to fight in. There will be a fire in a trashcan somewhere. And the girl will have watched this the entire time, screaming in horror. Instead of calling 911, she’ll just watch and cry. But it’s okay. Cuz the next day the guy will be fine with a few random bandages and a few face scars. But never a black eye.

49) It ain’t a real fight unless the gangstas fight dirty with a stick or switchblade.

50) If you study in the states (perferably Harvard), you are one of the top students and can speak perfect English (as assumed by the reactions of those around you). Why the rest of the world OUTSIDE of the TV can’t understand a single word uttered out of your melodramatic mouth is beyond me.

For Lack Of Anything To Post

2007-02-08T10:54:00.000+08:00

Was thinking of posting a tag post of some kind. But I got this from my friend and it actually made me cringe and laugh at the same time. I've been getting a lot of these on texts and they are hilarous. But if anyone comes up to me and delivers these lines, I'd probably have a laughing fit and then barf.

Crazy Pick-up Lines

1. Uy picture tayo!!
*** para ma-develop tayo!!

2. Kung ikaw ay bola at ako ang player, mashushoot ba kita??
*** hinde, kasi lagi kita mamimiss..

3. Exam ka ba??
*** gustong gusto na kasi kitang i-take home eh!!

4. Miss pwede ba kita maging driver??
*** para ikaw na magpapatakbo ng buhay ko..

5. Pinaglihi ka ba sa keyboard??
*** kasi type kita..

6. Naniniwala ka ba sa love at first sight??
*** O gusto mong dumaan ulit ako??

7. Hey, did you fart??
*** coz you blew me away!!

8. Sana "T" na lang ako..
*** para i'm always right next to "U"

9. Are you Jamaican??
*** kasi Ja-maican me crazy!!

10. Ako ay isang exam...

*** kaya sagutin mo na ako...

11. Grabe nakakatawa yung mga pick-up lines noh?? hahaha!

May alam ka pa bang iba?? Wala na akong maisip eh..
*** kundi ikaw..

New Buzz

2007-01-31T12:02:00.000+08:00

My new discovery, Starbucks' Coffee Jelly Frapuccino. The best caffeine buzz ever.

I thought their Afogato would be the ultimate coffee fix - a shot of espresso poured on caramel syrup and cream. It never failed to keep me awake.

But then I tried the Coffee Jelly... and I was in heaven. It's a nata de coco and coffee addict's dream. It will keep you awake and then some. Compared to the afogato's one shot of espresso, I believe this one has a higher caffeine content. Aside from the coffee frapuccino, there are bits of really chewy coffee jelly that completes the entire addicting experience.

I'm a coffee addict, all my friends know that. My system's immune to weak coffee. So on a Monday, when I've only had a few hours of real sleep, this is the drink of choice. This drink kept me up for hours.

Raining on a Friday Night

2007-01-27T11:06:00.000+08:00

I’m now the proud owner Rain’s first and second albums. It’s crazy, fanatic behavior which I thought I’d already outgrown. This is so high schoolish, like back when I died just seeing the words New Kids On The Block on anything. But apparently, I haven’t.

Two nights ago, I dropped by my friendly neighborhood OK! Books, which is a Korean bookstore near my place. The saleslady knows my face since I always go there to browse, check out their loot even if I don’t see anything worth buying. But that night, I saw a few pin buttons of Rain. I restrained myself and bought two buttons, although I really wanted to buy all the varieties. I don’t know where the hell I’ll pin those buttons but I bought them anyway. My biggest mistake of the night was I asked the saleslady how long they’ve had Rain’s first album. I guess she sensed that I was an easy market for anything Rain so she conveniently mentioned that she had all of his albums in stock. It was just in their stock cabinet since the person who ordered it never claimed it.

My heart suddenly beat faster as I saw her take out four, shiny, very pretty albums. My eyes popped and I started salivating. I only had 500 bucks in my wallet. If there was an ATM machine nearby, I would have bought them that night. But no, I restrained myself and reserved the two that I didn’t own.

I am 1,700 bucks poorer but I’m so giddy with my loot. I am ignoring the fact that I can buy five CDs or five pairs of shoes with that much money and that I have most of the mp3s on my laptop. No one can tell me that I’ve wasted my money. My friends already think I’m crazy but I don’t care! And they know it. This is quality! I still look lovingly at them. I especially love the 2nd album. I think it’s the prettiest CD I’ve ever acquired. The CD booklet is twice the normal booklet size and filled with really nice photos. Not just nice because Rain’s in it. But genuinely nice, quality pictures. I’m sure my photographer friend will agree with me when I show her the pictures. Did I pay 500 bucks more for the pictures? Hell yeah! And I even plan to do it again. I’ve already placed my order for the 4th album, special edition which the saleslady said will probably arrive in less than a month. I’m excited.

the prettiest CD ever! 비 volume 2: 태양을비하는방법

I was supposed to spend the night on a date till the pesky person cancelled (see previous rant post please). But I had so much fun spending the night alone with Rain… Crazy, fanatic, bordering on psycho behavior. I DON’T CARE! I’m loving it. Good times...

Seriously!

2007-01-24T18:58:00.000+08:00

Some thoughts of an irritated and bored git deprived of internet access for the day

When asking someone out on a date, always remember that it’s you asking for this favor of sorts, not the other person you’re asking out. It’s their time you’re going to occupy. So to cancel once is fine, albeit a bit disappointing. To cancel twice is just plain rude and unethical! Seriously!

The thing is, the person you’re asking out has their own life. Most likely, once they’ve said yes they mean it. Unless something really important comes up, like their boss threatening to fire them if they don’t attend to something work related or somebody in their immediate family suddenly came down with a terminal illness. They also probably turned down other invites as well because they’ve already said yes to you. Even if those invitations guarantee an extremely fun time, like a luxurious weekend out of town at their boss’ expense or hanging out with really close friends (like the ones they’ve known all their lives that they’re almost relatives), they’ve opted to go out with you even if chances are, meeting you will be awkward or, worse, dull.

So you’re excuses, however valid, are irrelevant. It’s you who set the date. In the normal world we live in, that means you’re free as a bird on that day, since it’s you who volunteered that date. Whatever may come up after that should be second to this appointment, unless you’re an incubus of viral plague (lifted from Miranda Priestley) or you’ve developed a rather large and extremely unattractive wart on your face that even your mom refuses to call you her own.

Should you think twice about the whole meeting up because you’re shy or you don’t want to be bothered yet because your hectic lifestyle won’t accommodate a few hours of meeting someone new, then don’t even make the effort of setting a date. Don’t even bother! You’re just wasting the time of the person you’re asking out. And again most importantly, they have their own life for crying out loud! You can’t just invite, then say “Ooops! Sorry. I have something else on that day, let’s just meet again on this date…” then cancel again saying something else came up. It’s just not right. And most probably, your “hooking up” points have already gone down to negative because of this. Chances of things going well with this person will be difficult unless you resemble a Greek god who can get away with anything based on looks. Seriously!

While blog hopping...

2007-01-19T14:56:00.000+08:00

It's one of those days when you wake up with a generally bad disposition and just can't get out of bed but must. I got to the office extremely late and just sat at my desk, weak and sluggish from these blasted cramps. I started surfing... hopping from one blog site to the next since I really didn't feel like working. I stopped by Jessica Zafra's and found a very entertaining link in her Rules of Jungle Living post.

The Urban Etiquette Handbook is a list of "rules" on various topics such as relationships, proper office decorum, subway behavior. Basically everyday rules to live by in New York. Although the rules were made for New York living, urban dwellers everywhere can relate.

Some of my favorites.

THE OFFICE
What do you do when someone asks you for help getting a job you don’t think he deserves?
If this individual is not a close- enough friend that you can tell him the truth, you may have to resort to one of the following humanely disingenuous approaches: (1) Respond enthusiastically with information of limited value: “Would it help if I gave you the name of the human-resources person? I think I might even have his e-mail!” (2) Issue a self-deprecating disclaimer of helplessness: “I don’t know how much my word counts on this one . . . ” (3) Technically do the favor, but warn off the prospective employer either explicitly or between the lines: “An acquaintance of mine is looking for something. I’ve known him ever since we went to Bennington! He dropped out though.”

BREACHING SUBWAY DECORUM
THE SEAT HOG
Crime: Not offering one’s seat to an obviously pregnant woman or obviously elderly person.
Rudeness Factor (out of 10): 10
Why It’s Inappropriate: If there’s one thing we can all agree on, it’s the continued propagation of the species (within reason). And if you don’t give your seat to an elderly person, when you grow old you can expect to be cast out and set upon by wild dogs. It’s called karma.
When It’s Appropriate: Maybe if you have a serious, demonstrable impediment. Such as a wooden leg. Although even then—she’s pregnant! On your feet, pirate.

THE GROOMER
Crime: Plucking eyebrows, curling eyelashes, flossing teeth (!), or clipping fingernails (!!) on the subway.
Rudeness Factor: 8
Why It’s Inappropriate: Because a civilized society is measured by the delineations between its public-transit vehicles and its bathrooms.
When It’s Appropriate: If it’s your absolute last chance to freshen up before a job interview, funeral, or proposal of marriage.

FRIENDS
How do you handle it when you, in full party panic, can’t remember the name of someone you know?
Blame the panic! In fact, don’t just blame the panic, inflate it. Begin talking about how flustered you are: You thought it was Thursday for a second, you put your drink down five minutes ago and can’t find it, you are so out of it that you’ve forgotten the name . . . of someone across the room whose name, in reality, you do remember! Then, conspiratorially ask the person whose name you can’t recall to introduce herself to the third party—as you laugh all the way to the First National Bank of Knowing Everybody’s Name.

What do “I’ll call you” or “Let’s have lunch” mean?
In a non-dating situation, these hollow parting comments often translate roughly to “In all likelihood, I won’t call you” and “Let’s not have lunch, though I have generally positive feelings about you.” (Though the recipient has no choice but to be agreeable in the moment and assume the phone won’t ring.) If you’re prone to such phrases, consider deploying “It was good to see you,” which, while perfectly pleasant, won’t confuse anyone.

Can you reject a Friendster, Facebook, or MySpace friend request from someone you know?
No. It’s not as though adding someone to your online social network costs anything: The only potential damage is to the perceived quality of your accumulated friends. And if you know someone who judges you based on your Friendster network, then, well, like Mom said, he’s not your real Internet friend anyway.

What do you do when you’ve attended a performance by your aspiring actor/singer/comic friend—and you were driven to tears by its utter banality?
Always lie, but try to do it in ways that aren’t so liar-y. Gush about aspects of the show that weren’t horrid (“Such exquisite costuming!”), compliment the very particular elements of his performance that were adequate, or say something not-technically-false like “That’s exactly what we’ve come to expect from you!” Long-term encouragement of delusional artistic aspirations, though, is impolite: If the invites are repeated, let your nonattendance send a message.

How do you tell someone he's been mispronouncing your name for three months?
Tell him a story in which you use your own name, clearly enunciating where he’s got it wrong. For example, if you were Ralph Fiennes, you’d say, “I called him and said, ‘Hi, this is Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaafe Fines.’ ”

CITY LIVING
If mentioning your connection to a famous person is relevant in a conversation, how do you do it without being a jerk?
Don’t mention it at all, of course, unless it’s necessary to preempt a question about how you got a piece of information you otherwise wouldn’t have known, and acknowledge the details of your connection immediately after the drop. As in, “I actually heard from Steven Spielberg—I met him at a Tribeca screening last year that my friend was doing publicity for—that Munich was originally conceived as a farce . . . ” Never first-name-drop (“I heard that from Dave . . . what? Oh, David Letterman”), a reprehensible behavior whose legality is one of the few universally acknowledged downsides of the First Amendment.

How should you indicate to a cabdriver/person sitting next to you on a bus that you don’t want to chat?
Give a few polite yet terse one-word answers delivered with a tooth-free smile. If that doesn’t work, try—again with a demure smile—inserting your iPod earphones and then staring somberly out the window, or closing your eyes and rubbing your temples as if you have a migraine. Consider telling a little white lie: You’re sorry, but you’re coming up on an important test/presentation/audition that you need to think about. If all else fails, pretend you have fallen asleep or died.

Is it okay to use wireless if your neighbors don’t password-protect it?
Yes—free wireless is a karmic gift bestowed by the rental gods to make up for all the times you’ve experienced your neighbors’ sexual encounters, arguments, and guitar practice in startling sonic clarity, gotten roaches because you live in the same building as a restaurant, and sampled the tapestry of malodorousness that is the ethnic-food/cigarette-smoke/pet-by-product–scented apartment hallway. Your only obligation as a wireless sharer is to avoid massive bandwidth-hogging downloads.
(this is by far my favorite!)

Lost

2007-01-18T22:02:00.000+08:00

I'm in a rut.

I thought I've moved on from the bad holiday depression. Somehow, I unconsciously managed to crawl back into the dark hole of boredom, depression and isolation. I'm spending a lot of time alone and I love it. I think I've had an invisible "Leave me alone" sign on my forehead for weeks now. But even solitary silence doesn't make things clearer.

I'm so lazy. I find myself staring blankly at the wall when I get home. I feel so useless and lethargic.

The thing is, I know what I have to do. I need to do it NOW. But why is it so hard to move forward? I'm scared that I've become too complacent already and just allow things to move along without doing anything, without grabbing opportunities. I keep on thinking and making plans in my head but the execution escapes me. I know what friends will say if I tell them about this. Same thing... start moving. I know that.

I don't know what to do. I don't know how I'm going to get out of this lethargic state. My life is out of whack right now. I hate it. I've never been like this.

This Kid's Going Places

2007-01-10T15:22:00.000+08:00

Be amazed...

Korean Air sponored Rain's World and as such, painted his picture on one of their airplanes which shall fly Rain and his whole concert entourage throughout his World Tour. In an article sent by a friend a few weeks ago from inq7.net, it said:

The airline said it would provide free tickets and transport throughout the tour and promote the concerts through its overseas offices.

Part of the proceeds will be donated to World Vision's project to help Asian children suffering from AIDS.

The model plane was launched by Rain and Korean Air executives 0n 07 January 2007. Photos of the actual plane were released online yesterday.

Today, the plane was used to charter Rain and his crew to Hongkong which is the next location of Rain's Coming World Tour.

I still think his hair looks funny. But who cares? He has his photo on a plane!! How big time is that? This certainly announces that Rain has arrived.

Credits to Soompi, Benamoo and Go News/Daum for the photos

Bestest Birthday Ever!

2007-01-05T10:41:00.000+08:00

I never expected anything. Actually, I was quite negative about this birthday. I was in denial that I was turning 27. But it turned out to be the best birthday so far.

It’s been tradition at home to wait for 12 midnight when it’s someone’s birthday. We were counting down the minutes till midnight. When the clock struck 12, my friends sang the usual birthday song. They gave me gifts and I loved them. I’ve always wanted a coffee press and now finally, I have one and in orange! The other gift was a nice belt that would go really well with numerous outfits that I’ve already planned in my head. Thanks roomies!

orange coffee press, polka dotted belt and yummy brownies from roomies

I planned to come in the office just for lunch since my boss wanted to treat me to lunch. But even before I got there, I was getting all these questions from my friend Cacay asking if I was coming to work at all. I sensed that something was up. And true enough, the minute I got to the office, I saw this yellow plastic bag with a bouquet of flowers inside. It was the sweetest gift I’ve ever received. She never fails to amaze me. Super mom, super friend, super everything. It totally made my day, especially when I found out the effort she went through to deliver it.

gerberas from Cacay… best best gift ever!

My desk was filled with loot. It was a low EQ’s dream, no, actually... it’s a nightmare! I didn’t know which one to open first. My boss treated us to Pasto at Paseo Center. We always enjoy the crostini with basil pesto dip and their margherita pizza. And since it was my birthday, she made us choose desserts. Mine was Venezia, chocolate covered cappuccino mousse. Heaven!

Venezia at Pasto, coffee lovers dream

I took the rest of the day off and proceeded to a total pampering package. I discovered paraffin wax treatment is torture. Dipping your hand and feet in hot hot wax is not very relaxing.

I decided to treat my girls to Korean food for dinner. And with the help of this blog entry in Bogchinoypi, I was convinced to try Min Sok Restaurant which is just a block away from where we live. We’ve lived in the area for more than five years and we’ve never braved any of the numerous Korean restos in our little Korean village. I was disappointed at first at their very limited menu. I was expecting something like the menu in my other favorite Korean restaurant in Malate. But as soon as our orders came, I was floored.

Korean food feast!

We ordered samgyeopsal which is just pork strips, something else resembling beef strips, spicy soup with tofu and pork that came free with the two meat dishes, an omelet with veggies and squid that came with a sesame seed oyster sauce dip and bulgogi. The side dishes came first with our rice. They served ten side dishes that were refillable including numerous kinds of kimchi – cabbage, radish, cucumber. The best side dishes were the bean sprouts, the sweet and spicy tempura (not sure if this is really what it’s called but that’s what the waitress said), the fish cake and the egg roll.

Samgyeopsal was the best order of all. As soon as the meat and it’s “accessories” came out, we panicked and cancelled our bulgogi order. Thin slices of meat were grilled right on our table and two plates filled with lettuce, garlic, green chilli, and onions were placed at each end. I was able to apply my handy Korean knowledge on eating samgyeopsal from watching too many Korean dramas and movies. The waitress was amazed that I actually knew what to pile on the lettuce leaf. All she had to do was confirm what I was doing. Even the ajuma owner, expecting to teach us newbies how to eat it, was surprised that we knew what we were doing. There’s really no other way than to pop the whole thing in your mouth, and it is a huge lettuce wrap. The explosion of flavor in your mouth is addicting. Without even realizing it, I ate three wraps in a matter of minutes. But I think our mouths got stressed from putting so much in it that the next day, my mouth and jaw was aching. We are definitely coming back. I practiced my very limited Korean when we left and I think ajuma appreciated it. She’s very nice and warm, unlike the other Koreans in the neighborhood.

doesn’t look that big, but it is... think three california makis

To cap off the birthday extravaganza, the roomies gave me a slice of Goldilock's mocca roll. This was my request. Goldilock's ran out of the half roll so they ended up with a slice. Happiness… the taste of my childhood.

the last birthday cake, with the reusable candle

Cacay, in her note with the flowers, wrote

Hope this makes a wonderful start to a fab 27^th year. It’s all roses from here! (Or should I say gerbera?)

It certainly jumpstarted my 27th... It was touching, wonderful and fabulous. I’m glad I have such great friends and family who make me happy, thankful and hopeful. Cheers!

Birthday Wishlist

2007-01-02T11:34:00.000+08:00

Friends, I know a day is too late to get me any one of these but, still... for future reference or if your New Year's resolution is to be extremely nice to your friends, here's my list. Ceia gave me the idea.

30 gig Creative Zen Vision:M
Red Vanilla laptop bag in red
Il Mare original DVD (can be found at OK Bookstore in Burgos St., Makati)
Goong original DVD with English subtitles (to order from Yesasia.com)
Complete series of Sex and the City on DVD (pirated... yes)
Team Manila T-shirts

I said it's a wishlist. And it really is wishful thinking. But it's my birthday in a few hours. I can get away with anything. If anybody gives me anything from this list, especially the first few items, I will be their slave forever.

2007, here we go

2007-01-02T10:29:00.000+08:00

Brand new year...

2006 came by so fast. I did a lot of things for the first time and yet I felt I achieved so little. I won't attempt to make any new year's resolutions. I know I won't do them anyway. I ended this year depressed and crying over the most petty things. I don't want to be sad anymore yet I'm scared to be hopeful.

A few things I'm looking forward to though... another Boracay trip, multiple trips to various beaches, a friend's wedding and possibly a treck to Mount Pinatubo. Although one thing I know for sure, I'll must sort out my nonexistent career this year. If I fail to do that, then I'm in big trouble. Wish me luck!

Grinch no more? We'll see...

2006-12-21T10:58:00.000+08:00

Six nights and counting...

I can't believe I've actually gone to Simbang Gabi for six nights straight. This is a first. I've never felt the need to complete the novena. Actually, I still don't see myself completing it. But I still try. I'm not desperately praying for anything in particular. The whole ritual just helps to get me in the mood for Christmas.

My friends are surprised at my newfound uppity Christmas spirit. I've been a Grinch for the past couple of years. I still blame my previous work for my Christmas spirit fatigue, but it's slowly going away. I actually sing once in a while with a few carols. I'm able appreciate Christmas lights and decor without the urge to barf. I even had the energy and spirit to put up our tree.

I still get depressed once in a while, the usual depression heightened by the holidays. I can't stop myself from thinking depressing thoughts, especially since I've been spending a lot of time alone. But most of it is just reminiscing and pondering on what if's and what could be's. I'm glad I have enough holiday cheer to distract me from these thoughts. I allow an indulgent deep sigh once in a while but I refuse to even verbalize my thoughts since I've proven that talking about it makes it even more real.

My holiday mode has been revived. I sort of miss being the representative Grinch but I think this is a slightly better alternative. Let's see how long this will last.

Missing Bibingka Among Other Things

2006-12-18T13:39:00.000+08:00

I once told someone that I am incapable of missing a person or a thing. This was my brave declaration which might have left the impression that I don’t feel anything. But I’ve recently discovered that my missing mechanism is quite different from other people. And all thanks to good old bibingka.

A few nights ago, the yearly Simbang Gabi started. Nine days of novena before Christmas Eve. Although I never intend to complete the nine days, I always look forward to attending it as much as I can. It's been part of my Christmas routine to go to the Simbang Gabi near our home at 9 in the evening, then have bibingka and coffee afterwards. So off I go to the first Simbang Gabi, bought my bibingka and ate it for dinner. The first bite was heavenly. Suddenly, I felt comforted. I wanted to shout “It’s really Christmas!” And I realized how much I missed that particular bibingka. That particular taste that screams Christmas, you can taste the cheese, the abundance of salted egg. The resilient consistency of the cake, its generous size, heaven! And only for P35 pesos! However, I was also reminded that I can never finish this whole bibingka by myself.

Which leads me to think of how I miss people. See, I don’t miss people when they’re gone. I miss them when they come back.

Case in point #1: A very close work friend left to work in another country. I was sad when she left. But I never realized how much I missed her until she came back and I got to talk to her again.

Case in point #2: I had dinner with my college friends last week and I realized how much I missed them. I’ve forgotten how much fun it is just sitting down, eating and talking non-stop for hours. Such easy conversation that never changes or never becomes awkward even if we don’t see each other for months or even a year.

It’s weird but that’s how I am.

Cooking Shows Galore

2006-12-07T17:15:00.001+08:00

Over the long weekend, I loaded up on TV. I’ve missed staying at home and doing nothing. It soon got old though. Anyway, I reconnected with an all time favorite past time, watching cooking shows. Not that I love to cook and imitate whatever these celebrity cooks come up with. I simply salivate and hope my mom can replicate whatever it is they’re cooking. That’s the thing with growing up with a mom who’s a great cook, you either want to be like her or just watch what she’s doing and eat the finished product.

We used to have Discovery Travel and Adventure. I would hog the remote control the whole day and watch Tyler Florence, Anthony Bourdain and a bunch of other cooks. I have old classic ones and recent discoveries. I just want to do a quick round up.

Nigella… oh, Nigella. I miss watching her show on Lifestyle. Even if they showed reruns, I’d still watch. There’s something about the way she cooks that completely mesmerizes me. I heard someone mention before that they think the way she cooks is like sex. Everything is embellished. The way she describes food makes you just want to binge after. Although I have no idea what her food tastes like most of the time, and I believe some would taste quite unusual to my untrained palette, she draws me in. She always ends up eating what she cooks right after and she eats with gusto, like there’s no tomorrow. And I think that’s what makes it good TV. She doesn’t care if her hands get dirty or if the sides of her mouth catch bits and crumbs of food. All
that matters is the food.

Rachel Ray. The format is sort of like Oprah. And not surprising because it’s produced by Harpo. I think it’s more of the way she talks than what she cooks that got me hooked. This one is just non-stop chatter. She makes Nigella look like a quiet and reserved celebrity cook. It amazes me that she doesn’t turn blue from speaking non-stop. She’s Italian ergo, Italian food is her specialty. The queen of 30 minute meals, her food is not intimidating. It’s very everyday and doable. Again… MA! Can you do that?

Iron Chef America. Who knew competitive cooking could be so much fun to watch? I didn’t pay attention to this show before even if my friends talked about it non-stop. But it is fun to watch. These two top cooks come up with a feast in 45 minutes and the key ingredient is revealed at the start of the challenge. I’ve seen them make all sorts of dishes out of tilapia, turkey, mushrooms, lobster, shrimp. It’s not just random cooking. There should be some kind of a theme, a reason why they cooked what they cooked. But I must admit that most of the time I’m rooting for the underdog except when it’s Iron Chef Mario Batali who challenges.

Speaking of Mario Batali, Lifestyle used to air his show Ciao America. He goes on this great American tour in search of the best Italian cuisine from the homeland. Gelatto, assortment of cheeses, the best dried meat, all kinds of pasta... The best show before dinner. It makes you completely hungry.

And speaking of Italian dishes, there’s a show called Everyday Italian with Giada de Laurentiis. It really is Everyday Italian, from spaghetti with pesto to ravioli with amaretto cookies, to baked herbed vegetables. But no matter how simple her dishes are, I still can’t manage to make them. The most I can try doing is her classic Italian dessert of ricotta cheese spread on a baking pan and then sprinkled with sugar. No cooking involved. That’s it.

I can go on and on about the other shows that I haven’t mentioned. So I guess this proves that I am a cooking show addict.

Singapore Diaries

2006-11-27T10:28:00.000+08:00

Finally! Here goes THE trip, long overdue

Day One

Flying with Tiger Airways is really the cheap alternative to go to Singapore. We got our tickets at PHP5,700+, round trip. However, since it is a budget airline, they don’t serve food, they sell it at very expensive prices. Our flight was at 11.30am so imagine Tostillas without water for lunch. As the food cart approached, I looked longingly at the S$2.50 mineral water. Then the Flight Attendant approached me. I thought she would be kind enough to give me water to wash down my chips. But no. She goes “Outside food is not allowed inside the plane, ma’am.” Well, what do I do then? Throw it out? Duh!

Everything in Singapore is clean, aesthetically pleasing and efficient. My boss says it’s the Singaporean’s malady, efficiency. Nice malady. Everything is labeled and tourist-friendly. You don’t have to bother the locals with your lost tourist questions unless you don’t know how to read signs and maps. Just mind your step at the MRT escalators. Man, they’re extremely fast. Reminds me of the escalators in Hongkong. You feel like you’re being ejected when you step out of it.

The best purchase on this trip was the EZ Link card. It pays for the MRT, the bus, 7-11 purchases, McDonald’s purchases and all known government transactions. All with one powerful plastic card.

If you really want to go on a budget trip, call on friends who live in the country, especially those celebrating their birthdays. You’ll surely get a free dinner. We ate at Chong Pang at Marina Bay. It’s fun to eat something new, but when you’re hungry and you’re faced with raw food that you have to cook yourself, it’s pretty frustrating. But hey, it was free, no complaints.

For a different perspective of Singapore, visit Geylang. It’s Singapore’s very happening red light district. I’ve never seen so many women primped, lined up, waiting or harassing possible customers. There was a gay lane with very pretty and really tall transvestites, a lane of Malay girls, and a few streets lined up with petite Chinese women with minimum cup C breast sizes. Our very willing guide said that most of these girls get 10 customers a night. I’ve never seen so many women line up for sex!

In a backpacker’s hostel, you can never predict what you’ll see or not see when you open the door to your room. It was complete darkness during our first night. Extremely hard to move around with just a pen light. I didn’t know Europeans slept so early!

Day Two

Europeans sleep early and wake up late. We woke up at 7am and the lights were still out. It was morning but we still moved in darkness. We didn’t have the guts to open the lights. Darned Pinoy sensitivities!

The Butterfly Farm was disappointing. It came highly recommended by a friend so expectations were quite high. I expected hundreds of butterflies to surround us. Unfortunately, there were a few pesky ones flying here and there. I observed five kinds of butterflies, no more. And the area was quite small. I waste of S$10. Actually, I enjoyed the Orchidarium more than the Butterfly Farm. There was no admission fee and the orchids were just so pretty. My dad would enjoyed seeing all the orchids in full bloom if I took him with me.

The dolphin show was fun and amazing. Although the pink dolphins weren’t that pink, they were equally adorable. Doing tricks and jumping all over the pool, it was the stuff I only saw Flipper do on TV.

Lesson for the day, remember to scope the area for better lunch options. We made the mistake of thinking that the chicken and fish burger stand was the nearest option for cheap lunch food. Upon consuming our crappy lunch, we walked to the restrooms and discovered the Food Gallery just a few steps at the back of the burger stand. All we could do was eye the scrumptious roasted chicken and beef satay.

We took as many shots as we wanted of us and the different marine life in the Underwater World. A lot of our fellow tourists were highly amused at our camera whore-ness. Hey, we’re making the most of our S$19.50. I think this was the first time I saw a real dugong. I even managed to take a great shot of a nemo and dory fish. Sorry, I have no idea what they’re really called.

A warning to all the pretending-to-be-brave travellers, it’s not advisable to ride the Sentosa cable car on a rainy day. They shut down the Sky Tower so we thought we’d ride the cable car instead. The route had two stops before it turned back to Sentosa. It took us back to mainland Singapore then back to the island. It was a little bit unnerving watching us pass the harbor and seeing that we were higher than the Sky Tower. Not to mention that the rain was getting stronger and stronger. On it’s way back, the car suddenly jerked to a stop in mid air. We were above some highway near Vivo City. That was the longest 10 minutes of my life. Every time the car attempted to move it would stop and give a very disturbing jerk. To make us feel better, we said that it was better for the cable car to have stopped above the highway than above the harbor. That’s even scarier. When we finally reached the last stop, we gladly went down, thanked God for another chance at life and adios-ed Sentosa even if we originally planned to watch the fountain show at 8 in the evening.

My first impression of Orchard Road is that it’s the Makati of Singapore, even if the whole country looked like Makati. Everything is rushed and fast. Even malling is not leisurely. In a weird way, I found it exciting, not unnerving. Some get intimidated by it, I didn’t. Unfortunately, it’s taking a toll on my friends who recently moved there. They looked extremely tired and homesick. I just wanted to hug them both and take them home with me.

Little India is not as exciting at night. In fact, it was scary walking the streets at 11 in the evening. My friend and I held each others arm tightly and walked extremely fast to avoid drunk Indians attempting to follow us or stare at us like they were planning on doing something nasty.

Day Three

One of the best places to shop for pasalubong is Chinatown. The minute you get down from the MRT, there’s a bazaar ready and waiting. I bought most of my gifts, and then some, here. Particular finds were metal mobile accessories with the Merlion hanging on it and really nice metal book marks. We didn’t have the energy to look for and walk to Smith Road where all the hawkers’ fare was. It was such a hot day that we were drained of energy by 10am. So we went to a convenient food court at Chinatown Place right across People’s Park. The food wasn't good but when you're thirsty, hungry and tired, everything tastes great.

Jurong Bird park is a long trek from the main city if you’re taking the MRT and the bus. But every stop on this trip has been worth it so far. Parrots doing tricks, eagles flying close enough for their wings to slap you in the face, regular vultures, white vultures, orange flamingoes… It was great. And I was able to see real penguins for the very first time. Can’t wait to see Happy Feet!

The best zoo stop was the Night Safari. There’s a heightened feeling of thrill as the tram goes along the dark zoo route. Being close enough to touch the animals gave it a more safari-like feel to the whole experience. I turned off my camera completely since flash photography was out of the question. Flashes would disturb and startle the animals, which might cause them to run or jump towards the direction of the tram. Scary! I didn’t particularly warm to the animal show since they hid a huge snake under one of the seats as part of the act. I kept thinking the whole time, what if they placed it under my seat? I'd probably faint!

Wrong time to test my alcohol consumption limit, but when in Rome… Our friend cooked shrimps in butter and we had dinner at 12 midnight after our Night Safari gallivanting. And since we were the bearer of tequila, our two new friends wanted us to enjoy it ALL. Consuming a whole bottle of tequila is no joke. The only one “standing” was my friend who has acquired some magical alcohol immunity through years of drinking with her boyfriend. I crashed in the guest room’s bed, the whole ceiling going round and round.

Day Four

Ugh! I woke up feeling nauseous and just plain crappy. All I could think of was barfing. And thank goodness I did or I would’ve spent the rest of the day in bed. Much to our co-tequila drinkers’ surprise we were up and about, ready for our last Singapore day.

Singapore Zoo is a duplication of the Night Safari. I had a great time the previous night, and going to Singapore Zoo was a chore. We had to go because our ticket was payed. Then it started raining… hard. In Singapore, even the rain is efficient. It comes only once a day and usually lasts for a good 30 minutes. Then sunshine again. However, it lasted longer when we were at the Zoo and we didn’t want to wait for it to stop or we’d be stuck there forever. So even if I only had S$8 left in my pocket, my friend convinced me to buy S$1.90 bright yellow raincoats. We looked like big bird walking to the MRT station. But I didn't care. I wanted to make the most of my S$1.90.

Back at wet Orchard Road, we met one of the first few friends that we’d meet up with that night. She took us to this bargain perfume store in Lucky Plaza. I had no intention of buying anything. But I approached the wrong sales girl. She was too good, I ended up buying three perfumes. Parents’ Christmas gifts, check!

I couldn’t get myself to buy Starbucks. My friends did, I couldn’t swallow coffee that cost me S$6.50. It’s just too much. Good thing my other friends arrived, joined them for dinner and tasted authentic Asian cuisine at one of the kopitiam in Suntec City. I instantly fell in love with kaya toast.

Esplanade, Merlion Park, Boat Quay and Clarke Quay are best visited at night. The lights are up, plenty cute foreigners are out and about. It was the perfect ending to our gallivanting.

It's sad business to end a trip like this. You can't seem to stop and just want to move on to the next unexplored country. However, resources run low and reality sinks in. I left Singapore thinking that I'd willingly welcome the opportunity to live there. And I think on top of it all, I was proud of the fact that this trip was out of my own savings, the fruits of my labor... which I shall again face when I get home.

Posted my trip pics at flickr

What the...?

2006-11-23T17:17:00.000+08:00

Pet peeve #1 You wake up and look at your closet. Put on something really nice just to perk up your day. A cute dress, a pretty skirt, a new belt or a dainty top. You go out then people start to notice your outfit. They ask you "Do you have a date?"

Pet peeve #2 You decide to cut your hair, add bangs... Iron it or blow dry because you're tired of it always looking so limp and frizzy. People see you and comment "Uy, nagpa rebond." or "Uy may date." or "Uy, may nagpapaganda."

What the hell is it with all these impertinent and annoying comments? I don't know if it's just the culture but it's really irritating. Can't we simply say "Hey, nice outfit" period. Or "You look nice" period. Or nice haircut, cute skirt, love the top! Why should there be a need to justify your desire to look good? It's getting so tiresome to just smile and say "Wala lang." One of these days, I'll be forced retort "You on the other hand look like crap." Let's see how they react to that.

You don't need to go somewhere to make a statement.
- Kenneth Cole ad

Things to do while the whole bloody country watches the Pacquiao fight

2006-11-20T10:51:00.000+08:00

Attempt to finish the blog you’ve been wanting to post about your recent travel
Beef up your resume and write cover letters so you can finally make that first step towards “moving on”
Text all your Pacquaio fanatic friends saying “I know who won, I know who won.”
Think of what else you can munch on even if you just ate lunch an hour ago
Mentally fix and rearrange your room (Operative word being "mentally" since you don’t really want to get up and actually do it)
Revise the Christmas list that you thought was already complete (forgot a few people you shouldn’t have forgotten)
Play really cheesy songs and sing at the top of your lungs to distract and annoy your dad and everyone watching the fight
Wonder what you’re going to wear tomorrow to work since that’s the only thing that gives you a boost everyday (depressing!)
Consider looting the nearest grocery store (Hey, no one would probably notice you’re stealing their goods since they’re glued to their TVs. And it was reported that the crime rate considerably went down in the Metro during Pacquiao fights. What if I up the figures?)
If all else fails, shut down your laptop and contemplate taking an afternoon nap even if you’ve only managed to wake up at 12 noon, hoping that when you wake up, the damned fight is finally over and you can snatch the remote off your dad's killer grip

You know you’re addicted to Korean dramas if…

2006-11-15T14:50:00.000+08:00

Got this from today's Inquirer. Let's see if I'm really addicted.

INQUIRER LIFESTYLE - LIFESTYLE

You know you’re addicted to Korean dramas if…

November 15, 2006
Updated 01:04:13 (Mla time)
Melissa Telan
Inquirer

1. You’ve tried, or you’re trying, to learn Korean in the hopes that one day you’ll watch your favorite dramas without aid of dubbing or subtitles.
CHECK! I can read Korean characters now, I just don't know what most of them mean.

2. You’ve watched your favorite dramas at least three times, and your favorite scenes—the most heart-wrenching or the most kilig—at least 10.
CHECK! I even downloaded the NGs (not good scenes, bloopers)

3. Someone asks you to recall a particular scene from your favorite drama and you recite it in full detail, including the actors’ lines and the episode number where such scene is found.
CHECK AGAIN! Scary if I start reciting in Korean

4. You convince your friends, family, classmates, officemates and just about anyone who hasn’t caught the Koreanovela bug yet to watch Korean dramas. And you do this with the kind of fervency that would make a door-to-door salesman proud.
CHECK! I've recruited one, still looking for more victims.

5. Your cell phone’s ring tones feature the theme songs of “My Girl,” “Full House,” “Winter Sonata” (or the ring tones featured in such shows).
Does it count if my cell phone music playlist has Korean songs?

6. Your mp3 player contains mostly K-pop music or Korean ballads from your favorite drama’s soundtrack.
CHECK! Well, I don't have an mp3 player yet, but my laptop has plenty of K-pop.

7. You create an online shrine dedicated to your favorite hallyu star or show.
I haven't tried this one yet. Although I've devoted countless blog entries on Rain ;)

8. You know what hallyu means.
Hehe.. CHECK! Korean wave...

9. Your Korean drama collection is big enough for you to open a small video rental shop.
Ummm... no naman... just enough to get me in trouble with Edu Manzano

10. You’re part of several fan clubs or a regular in online forums such as those found in soompi.com, d-addicts.com and tsinoy.com, all dedicated to your favorite K-artista or artistas.
CHECK! Soompi babe of the Rain forum!

11. You tirelessly write, petition, clamor and beg local television stations to bring your favorite Korean star to the Philippines.
Not yet. I think other pinoy Rain fans are doing this already so let's not duplicate efforts ;)

12. You’re one of the earliest to line up at the airport when a K-star does come. Then you follow him or her to the hotel, where you’ve also booked yourself. If he or she has TV guestings or mall tours, you chalk up perfect attendance in all of them.
I will when Rain comes to town.

13. You save lunch money to be able to afford pricey collector’s items from www.Yesasia.com, such as DVDs or other K-drama paraphernalia.
Umm... I'm a pirate... nuf said.

14. When you do have lunch, you regularly make a beeline to Korean restaurants to eat kimbap, kimchi, and other such food fare that are featured in the dramas. You also search high and low for soju.
I guess, no. But I do love the Korean Garden resto in Malate by Adriatico and occassionally drop by our friendly neighborhood Korean grocery for goodies. I have yet to venture into the world of soju since I hear it tastes like gasoline.

15. You save up money for your dream tour of Korea to see all the places featured in their dramas.
CHECK! Next year, KOREA in autumn!

16. You watch your favorite drama all over again, this time dubbed in Filipino and shown in local channels, even if you’ve seen the entire English subtitled version.
Nahh, I don't like the pinoy dubbed version. The humor and kilig moments are lost in translation. Plus I love hearing the actual Korean language.

17. You dream in Korean (plus points if the dream has English subtitles).
CHECK! The one dream I had was with Park Shin Yang. He was speaking to me in Korean but I responded in English ;)

So how did I do? 11 out of 17, good enough. I am a certified Hallyu addict.

I'm Bored :(

2006-11-13T13:34:00.001+08:00

Got this from Amputated Leg I have yet to fix my Singapore blogathon. I’m so anti work mode so this will do for the moment. Apologies in advance for dropping a lot of Singapore stuff as I'm still on high.

1. Where were you 1 hour ago? – in the same seat, same desk, same old job :(
2. Who will be your next kiss? – hmmm… let’s see… Rain. Wahaha! Crazy!
3. Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? – pink paperclip right in front of me
4. When is the last time you went to the mall? – Saturday, went mall crazy in Singapore. Visited Lucky Plaza and Paragon at Orchard Road and Suntec City at Suntec
5. Are you wearing socks right now? - nope
6. When was the last time you went to the province? – two weeks ago in Laguna
7. Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days? – nope, I missed The Prestige. Dang!
8. What was the last thing you had to drink? – instant coffee
9. What are you wearing right now? – mustard green top, black belt, black skirt
10. What was your last purchase? – panic pasalubong shopping at Changi's Duty Free, one box of bbq pork jerky for mama
11. Last food you ate? – buko pie tart, half of it
12. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? – my office friend who is so far away
13. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week? – uhuh, bought a shirt for my dad at Bossini on Orchard (how typical!), restrained myself from buying tons of dresses and skirts, too expensive!
14. Do you have a pet? – wolf our half breed spitz, and a four of mongrels named winky, wiper, won and wang
15. What's the last sporting event you watched? – the Wimbledon men’s final match in the movie Wimbledon. Hehe. I don’t really do sports.
16. What is your favorite class? – European History and Theology of Liberation
17. If you could be anywhere right now, where would you be? – I left my spirit in Singapore. I wish I was still there now.
18. What is the last thing you purchased online? – I can’t purchase anything online, I don’t have a CC.
19. How old are your parents? – mama’s 51, papa’s 56. What’s the point of this question?
20. What's your favorite soup? – my mom’s nilaga
21. Do you miss anyone? - uhuh
22. Last play you saw? – Rent which was eons ago
23. What are your plans for the night? – dinner with my old officemate
24. Who is the last person you messaged on myspace? – no one
25. Ever gone to camp? – no, did I miss out on a lot?
26. Were you an honor roll student in school? – no, I was the just good enough student
27. What do you know about the future? – that I should start thinking about it already
28. Are you wearing cologne? – yes, citrusy… I forgot the name. it’s in my bag and I'm too lazy to stand up
29. What should you be doing now? – eating lunch
30. What perfume or cologne do you use? – Tribu which ran out. I bought Green Tea by Elizabeth Arden in Sing for a bargain price of $29
31. Do you have a tan line? – a tan :D from walking around hot hot Singapore too much
32. How old do you want to be when you have kids? – 30 max
33. Do you collect anything? – i used to collect candles but kinda stopped
34. Do you have any tattoos or piercings? – nothing extraordinary
35. Have you ever drank your soda from a straw? – ha?!
36. How do you like your soda? – with plenty of ice
37. Do you like hot sauce? – yep!
38. Who do you like? – such a autograph book question, I love it! Hehe. So who do I like? Plenty plenty!
39. What is your mood? – sleepy and tired
40. Are you someone's best friend? – Of course!
41. What's the last TV show you watched? – A downloaded episode of Desperate Housewives

Leaving vacation behind

2006-11-12T02:03:00.000+08:00

11 November 2006

I've been wanderlusting in Singapore for the past few days. My legs hurt. My feet resemble those of the elephants I saw in the zoo from walking too much. I'm a few shades darker again, if that is at all possible. I will be broke when I get back home. But it was all worth it.

Going on vacation like this is addicting. I don't want to stop and go home. But I have to. In a few hours, I'll be flying back home. It makes me really sad to think that this time tomorrow, I'll be home. Sigh...

Will post the Singapore extravaganza when I get back home.

Emotional

2006-11-07T16:55:00.000+08:00

Why am I weepy and wallowy (if there is such a word) these days? I am normally weepy when it comes to emotional scenes in movies. But it's so much worse now. Everything makes me cry! Examples...

Queer eye. The Fab 5 helped a Filipino couple set up the wedding reception that they never had since their wedding was rushed. All their family and friends were there. They started to dance, their parents and guests started to cry, I started to cry. No reason, I just found the moment poignant and sweet.

Last night, my friend was asking me another "what if" question patterned after this Korean series we were watching. What if I was asked to choose between to men, the other one is extremely moody but loves me to high heavens and the other one is rich, funny, intelligent, someone I really like, yet is not sure if he wants me to be his friend or something more than that? Who would I choose? My eyes became teary. I started sniffling then there were tears. My friend laughed at me. I laughed at myself. But I still couldn't control the tears.

I received a text message this morning from a friend.

At some point you have to make a decision. Bounderies don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So, you can waste your life drawing lines... or you can live your life crossing them. Buth there are some lines... that are way too dangerous to cross. Here's what I know. If you're willing to take the chance... the view from the other side ... is spectacular.
- Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy

I never thought something from Grey's Anatomy would make me cry, and it was just sent thru text.

What's happening to me?! Distraction is coming tomorrow. *sigh*

Friday Solo

2006-11-03T18:21:00.001+08:00

Another Friday night spent alone. It's pretty pathetic that I'm here in the office on a Friday, blogging. But in a way, it's satisfying being alone. It's sometimes scary how I enjoy being alone.

Next week will be a whirlwind of events. It's a week of changes, trips, moves. I've been waiting for next week for months now. Next week makes me giddy yet scares me. Too much happening at the same time. The clarity that I've been hoping for will finally come. I wish it was Wednesday already.

Such A Fan

2006-10-23T15:50:00.000+08:00

My friend's choir group, Hangad, had a concert Saturday night. 15 years, 15 songs. Greenbelt church was unexpectedly full right after the anticipated mass.

The concert was great, as usual. I'm not just saying so because my friend's in the choir. Hangad really inspires you to pray. When they sing, you feel connected to God.

I was blown away though, when my friend sang her solo. We never know when she'll have her own song. She never tells us because she doesn't want anyone to expect. I totally get that. And it's always a pleasant surprise to find her standing in the middle of the stage, eyes closed, channeling her inner pop diva that we only get to see occassionally.

We never seem to get over how good she is. I looked like an idiot with a semi smile on my face the whole time she was singing. Her performance was so moving. If I felt like a proud mom watching her kid perform for the first time, I wonder how her parents and her sister felt? They must have been bursting with pride.

She was great, as ever. But she seems to be getting better with every performance. She'll probably kill me if she sees this blog. Done deal, brah! Published already. Hehe. We're so proud of you! We are forever your entourage.

On Mush Mode

2006-10-16T14:18:00.000+08:00

A good friend asked me to help her put together a wedding photo collage. I’ve been downloading tons of wedding photos last week and seeing all those poignant photos of couples getting married made me think of love and commitment. Yes, mushy stuff that I don’t normally bother thinking of, or block from my mind.

While I was looking at photos, I declared that I wanted to pose for wedding photos, just pose. Look for a handsome groom just for the sake of taking photos and looking pretty in a white gown and a veil. I was kidding, of course. But as the day came to an end, another Friday night walking home alone, I started thinking seriously about love.

My friends were actually surprised at my statement when we got together later that night. I finally admitted that I wanted to be in love. Not just fall but BE. I’ve never actually verbalized this love business. I’ve always exuded the “I don’t care, I’m not bothered, I can wait” attitude towards love.

But now more than ever, I feel the need for it, for that one person I can finally see as my “true love.” Someone other than my family or girl friends who can make me happy, who I can just be myself without being judged.

My recent miserable attempt at some semblance of falling for someone was disastrous. Thank goodness it didn’t progress further or I would have ended up being even more troubled and hurt. It stopped at disappointing and sad. That’s all I’ll take from that one.

I hate this phase. I see couples everywhere and I feel nostalgic. I suddenly want to go on the “active search for THE ONE” ride again, go on dates. But just thinking about it gives me a headache. All the effort put into going out with one person after another, putting up an idealized version of myself. It’s all too tiring.

Maybe this is my clock ticking again. I’m turning a new leaf soon. My quarter life mark has already expired almost two years ago. Yet I still feel like I’m on perpetual quarter life crisis mode.

The Eloquent Sounds of Silence

2006-10-12T10:21:00.000+08:00

I remembered this from my college days. One of my favorite teachers read this to us in class.

The Eloquent Sounds of Silence
by Pico Iyer

Every one of us knows the sensation of going up, on retreat, to a high place and feeling ourselves so lifted up that we can hardly imagine the circumstances of our usual lives, or all the things that make us fret. In such a place, in such a state, we start to recite the standard litany: that silence is sunshine, where company is clouds; that silence is rapture, where company is doubt; that silence is golden, where company is brass.

But silence is not so easily won. And before we race off to go prospecting in those hills, we might usefully recall that fool's gold is much more common and that gold has to be panned for, dug out from other substances. "All profound things and emotions of things are preceded and attended by Silence," wrote Herman Melville, one of the loftiest and most eloquent of souls. Working himself up to an ever more thunderous cry of affirmation, he went on, "Silence is the general consecration of the universe. Silence is the invisible laying on of the Divine Pontiff's hands upon the world. Silence is the only Voice of our God.'' For Melville, though, silence finally meant darkness and hopelessness and self-annihilation. Devastated by the silence that greeted his heartfelt novels, he retired into a public silence from which he did not emerge for more than 30 years. Then, just before his death, he came forth with his final utterance -- the luminous tale of Billy Budd -- and showed that silence is only as worthy as what we can bring back from it.

We have to earn silence, then, to work for it: to make it not an absence but a presence; not emptiness but repletion. Silence is something more than just a pause; it is that enchanted place where space is cleared and time is stayed and the horizon itself expands. In silence, we often say, we can hear ourselves think; but what is truer to say is that in silence we can hear ourselves not think, and so sink below our selves into a place far deeper than mere thought allows. In silence, we might better say, we can hear someone else think.

Or simply breathe. For silence is responsiveness, and in silence we can listen to something behind the clamor of the world. "A man who loves God, necessarily loves silence,'' wrote Thomas Merton, who was, as a Trappist, a connoisseur, a caretaker of silences. It is no coincidence that places of worship are places of silence: if idleness is the devil's playground, silence may be the angels'. It is no surprise that silence is an anagram of license. And it is only right that Quakers all but worship silence, for it is the place where everyone finds his God, however he may express it. Silence is an ecumenical state, beyond the doctrines and divisions created by the mind. If everyone has a spiritual story to tell of his life, everyone has a spiritual silence to preserve.

So it is that we might almost say silence is the tribute we pay to holiness; we slip off words when we enter a sacred space, just as we slip off shoes. A "moment of silence'' is the highest honor we can pay someone; it is the point at which the mind stops and something else takes over (words run out when feelings rush in). A "vow of silence'' is for holy men the highest devotional act. We hold our breath, we hold our words; we suspend our chattering selves and let ourselves "fall silent,'' and fall into the highest place of all.

It often seems that the world is getting noisier these days: in Japan, which may be a model of our future, cars and buses have voices, doors and elevators speak. The answering machine talks to us, and for us, somewhere above the din of the TV; the Walkman preserves a public silence but ensures that we need never -- in the bathtub, on a mountaintop, even at our desks -- be without the clangor of the world. White noise becomes the aural equivalent of the clash of images, the nonstop blast of fragments that increasingly agitates our minds. As Ben Okri, the young Nigerian novelist, puts it, "When chaos is the god of an era, clamorous music is the deity's chief instrument.''
There is, of course, a place for noise, as there is for daily lives. There is a place for roaring, for the shouting exultation of a baseball game, for hymns and spoken prayers, for orchestras and cries of pleasure. Silence, like all the best things, is best appreciated in its absence: if noise is the signature tune of the world, silence is the music of the other world, the closest thing we know to the harmony of the spheres. But the greatest charm of noise is when it ceases. In silence, suddenly, it seems as if all the windows of the world are thrown open and everything is as clear as on a morning after rain. Silence, ideally, hums. It charges the air. In Tibet, where the silence has a tragic cause, it is still quickened by the fluttering of prayer flags, the tolling of temple bells, the roar of wind across the plains, the memory of chant.

Silence, then, could be said to be the ultimate province of trust: it is the place where we trust ourselves to be alone; where we trust others to understand the things we do not say; where we trust a higher harmony to assert itself. We all know how treacherous are words, and how often we use them to paper over embarrassment, or emptiness, or fear of the larger spaces that silence brings. "Words, words, words'' commit us to positions we do not really hold, the imperatives of chatter; words are what we use for lies, false promises and gossip. We babble with strangers; with intimates we can be silent. We "make conversation'' when we are at a loss; we unmake it when we are alone, or with those so close to us that we can afford to be alone with them.
In love, we are speechless; in awe, we say, words fail us.

Weakling!

2006-10-09T18:13:00.000+08:00

I hate it. I can never stay angry when I want to be. I've been practicing my spiel over the weekend. I was only able to say ten percent of it, and I even had a semi smile on my face. How utterly pathetic!!

I conceded, gave forgiveness easily. I want to hit my head against the wall. But as my friend said, forgive but never forget. Such a cliche but true. Anger is debilitating, not good for the pores either. I shall be the ever cool, unaffected chic.

Tomorrow's another day. I don't know what's going to happen. But I certainly will try to be less available. No more extremely nice git. if it's friends you want, it's friends you'll get.

The Zuma Therapy

2006-10-09T18:09:00.000+08:00

I thought the week would be uneventful, same as usual. How wrong I was. I still can’t retell what happened. Just thinking about that day brings back the anger, disappointment, hurt and sadness that I felt. I’ve realized that blocking certain events temporarily helps me deal with things.

The weekend was a reprieve from this never ending roller coaster. Wallowing was on top of my to do list since I was alone for most of the weekend. But there was one thing that saved me from being shit-faced and pathetic… ZUMA!

My friend has been addicted to this downloaded game for months now. And now, like her, I am hooked. It certainly took my mind off the recent “complications” of my life and helped release my anger. Shooting balls in every direction felt great. I even imagined I was throwing the balls at the very person causing me all these distress. Shouting and screaming at my laptop’s screen when I shot out a wrong colored ball in the wrong area helped me vent out my frustrations, even if it was to an inanimate object.

I’m still not recovered. But I feel less angry now, which is good. I don’t want to be a raging lunatic when I finally get confronted about this. I’ve always been calm, collected and level-headed. I hate being angry. It’s so draining!

Back To Being "Normal"

2006-10-05T12:30:00.000+08:00

It’s been a week since the nightmare typhoon hit both my homes in the province and in the city. Given the intensity of that storm, I was very lucky that I was spared from floods, mishaps and tragedies. A lot of people were less fortunate, some including my friends, suffering major loss in properties and possessions.

Coming back to work was a different experience. The damage to the trees everywhere was the tangible proof of how strong the winds were last week. The once shady park where we had our Valentine’s Day picnic lunches and occasional lunch poetry readings is long gone. We mourn the loss of the trees, the loss of memories.

Clean up and recovery has been slow. It’s been a week and I still can’t walk on the sidewalks. Branches and debris are still there. My friend can’t move into their house, it’s still uninhabitable. We still experience long periods of brown outs, wires and electric poles still being reconnected and fixed. My office has no electricity as I post and we're running on generator. I hope I don't have to go down 18 flights of stairs again like I did yesterday.

We all go on with our everyday routine, hoping that all the mess will just disappear in time. But going back to normal is taking too long.

Some Quirky Korean Customs

2006-09-27T15:45:00.000+08:00

I read this at one of the forums I go to. I love Koreans and I'm fascinated with their culture but reading some of thier customs makes me realize that I can never survive in Korea. Here's 12 customs.

1. When Koreans lift their glass to drink any alcoholic beverage with someone senior, they always turn to one side.
2. If a Korean's glass is empty they pass the bottle to the person sitting with them. (In Korean culture it is frowned upon to pour yourself a glass; the proper etiquette is pouring for each other.)
3. Koreans are already putting the next bite of food in their mouths before they finished chewing the last bit.
4. Koreans use chopsticks for the side dishes but spoons for rice and soup.
5. If a Koreans suffer indigestion after meals, they treat it by pricking their fingers with needles. (This is an old folk remedy.)
6. Elderly Koreans often say, "Now that I've reached old age, I see every eyesore." (read: "My goodness, times have changed," "Where's the world heading?" etc.)
7. Korean women often resort to hair-pulling when fighting.
8. When someone hits a subordinate, it is always on the head, and most often across the back of the head.
9. The wealthy have contempt for those without, and those on the lower rungs kiss the feet of their superiors. Korean society treats the wealthy and the poor completely differently.
10. If you go into a house you must take off your shoes.
11. After sleeping, the blankets and pillows go in the closet. If Koreans go into a room, they always shut the windows and doors.
12. Many marriages are arranged for expediency or convenience.

Source: http://english.chosun.com/w21data/html/news/200609/200609180026.html

Role Playing

2006-09-25T01:10:00.000+08:00

Sometimes you find yourself in weird, out of body situations, that you just want to laugh and say, “What the hell are you doing here?”

Your friend wanted you to accompany her to a gown-fitting for an upcoming wedding. She needed a second opinion, so she says. Off you go to this exclusive village in Makati to the designer’s house.

Enter quintessential gay designer. In fairness, he was very warm and nice, none of the artsy air that usually comes with the designer package. He ushers you and your friend to his studio and lets your friend fit the lining of the dress. The conversation morphs into semi intelligible gasps and oohhhsss. It’s funny but strangely, you just ride with the conversation.

Gay guy: See how nice it falls, oh! It’s perfect in the back! Perfect! See ate? (motions to the girl holding all the pins) Ang ganda ng bagsak!
(made me wonder if all gay guys really end their sentences in various versions of exclamation points)
Friend: I brought my shoes.
Gay Guy: Oh! Wear it!
(friend shows the shoes)
Gay Guy: Ay how gorgeous! But is that the color that the bride wants?
Friend: Well, she said I can wear any color I want. I didn’t really want to go with the other one.
Gay Guy: It’s lovely! Oh! It goes with the broche that we made for the dress!
Friend: Really-ah? That’s great! See! I chose the perfect shoe!

You feel useless so you stand up, start touching the fabric and give all sorts of comments, some valid, some just for the sake of giving comments. Ate starts folding the hemline and shows you if the length is right. You still feel unutilized so you tell her it’s ok. Then your friend decides to show off her vintage purse. You thought the situation couldn’t get any more funnier, but it gets worse.

Gay guy: Oh, how beautiful! And it’s so heavy! Pwedeng pang pukpok!

He starts strutting with the purse, like he’s posing on some red carpet in Hollywood, waving to an imaginary crowd.

Gay guy: It’s nice, noh? Pero you can’t put anything in it. Ang liit! Mas malaki pa ang cell phone! Kaya dapat meron kang alalay that you can call… “Yaya! Where’s my cell phone! Yaya!” This really looks old, ah! Was it passed down to from your lola to your mom?
Friend: Noh, my lola gave it to me. But there are a few missing stones oh, look.
Gay Guy: Ay oo, but that’s easy to replace. Ay! Vintage talaga!

You just watch what’s going on, you don’t even dare contribute to the conversation for fear of being sucked into their gushing pit. You walk out of the house with a silly smile, thinking how you can fool others into believing you’re actually interested.

I'm Here

2006-09-17T19:47:00.000+08:00

Why does everyone else’s life seem so complicated than mine? It’s a very arrogant and selfish admission, but it’s true. Dear Lord, I’m not asking for complications. In fact, thank you for sparing me. Hearing about problems and difficulties of friends makes me so very grateful that I’ve lived a fairly easy and uncomplicated life. And I do know that I can't handle complications that well either.

Of my entire 26 years as a human being, I’ve listened to a lot of experiences. I’ve never gone through them myself but hearing about them makes me feel that I have. I don’t know how, but I can somehow empathize with my friends. I feel a tinge of the pain that they’re going through.

A certain level of comfort, which is really just being there as a soundboard, is all I can give. Consistent company and an ear is all I can provide. Maybe that’s my function, my purpose. To listen to those who need to release frustrations, to say “I support you” when needed, to be just the overall “I’m here” person.

It’s easier said than done. Challenging yes… doable, we'll see.

Weatherman vs Cockroach

2006-09-12T15:15:00.000+08:00

Found this really funny

Frustrations

2006-09-07T12:04:00.000+08:00

Whining time...

I dreamt of him this morning. It was a very light, nonsense dream of us just being us, hanging out as always. But why does he have to show up in my dreams? When I'm trying so hard to get him out of my system. The cosmos seems to be conspiring against me. Tempting me to keep him in my consciousness even when there's nothing to hope for. I wish I can just make him disappear for a while, to clear my many demons. One thing to describe this whole thing with him, disappointing. And I detest being disappointed above all.

An old friend whose presence I've always found comforting now drives me crazy. It's mean, but I look forward to the days when I don't talk to her. Talk seems so superficial, so shallow. Is this all that we can talk about? Her "so-called" problems? She's my friend, we've been through a lot, experienced so much together. So why do I think this way now?

I probably need time away from work. To use my friend's favorite sentence, "My mind is on vacation mode." But it's not on vacation mode. It's on lazy and exasperated mode. I've been thinking a lot about moving on but taking the first step, for some reason, seems so hard. I've been quite lost for a few years. Time to shape up and act like a responsible adult.

The only highlight to my day is when i get home and I have my old trusted friends to talk to, to de-stress, de-office. I've neglected them recently. Exchanged their always present company for someone I thought would break the monotony of my so-called independent life. I know I've let them down, probably even disappointed them. I can't take it back. And I can't promise that I'll do better next time. I don't want to let them down again with empty promises. But like the good friends that they are, they welcomed me back, slightly changed and even more jaded. I'm ever greatful for the countless times they've brought me back to me.

This year, so far, has been quite a ride. I thought it would be uneventful, usual, boring. It's turning out to be quite the opposite.

2006-09-06T13:55:00.000+08:00

A brand new start
hopefully a better perspective
back to my old independent self